Musings of a Sega Racing Fan

DIVEKICK

Here is a nifty little game that's also a shameless plug for a project that a couple of my FIEA friends are working on. This is a game called "Divekick." My friends at Iron Galaxy Orlando didn't invent the game but they are polishing it and releasing it in PSN, Vita, and (hopefully) PC.

The game only uses two buttons--jump (hover upwards as long as the button is held) and dive kick (kick down-forward). No combos, throws, or blocking! One-hit KO's (best of 9 rounds). When two opponents kick each other, the higher person wins. There's a few other features like "headshots"--kick a guy in the head and he's stunned at the start of the next round, but the gameplay is still simple-stupid in a paper-rock-scissors way but I know diehards like Dave Sirlin will love it. Actually, the game has gained some traction at PAX and even EVO with its two-button arcade-style controls which is pretty nice... I'm proud of my guys at Iron Galaxy. I love it because it's basically a parody of fighters...like why is there a health bar when you're KO'ed in one hit anyway? So look out for this game.

Some Yomi Layer 3 stuff right there...

Watch this video.

A new video from yesterday.

"Games have become too extreme (Burnout), wacky (Mario Kart), photo-realistic (Gran Turismo)." - paraphrase the guy

"We lost these 90's arcade racers that have soul and are really fun to play." - paraphrase the guy again

At 1:00, does the guy wipe away a tear? I did at at the same time.

Spotted the Aquarium tank (Scud Race), dinosaur skull (Daytona 1), etc. Stuff from previous games we've already seen before.

4:10, the CHECK sign is back!!!

4:14, looks like a rocket ship or a scud missile. Daytona 1 and Scud Race, lol.

4:35 looks like Sonic Mountain turn on Beginner on Daytona 1.

4:40, the glass sheet up above reminds me of the Forest Dome from Daytona 2.

4:56, looks like that little brown tunnel from Advanced course on Daytona 2, after the space port section.

5:08, TWO NEW CARS, the Pelikan and the Stingray cars are the Porsche and Scorpio cars from Scud Race and Daytona 2 respectively!!! Hell, the Stringray even has that colored front of the car, it's clearly influenced by the Scorpio, no question!!! Hit the juice!!!

6:36, NIGHT TIME!!!

7:00, get that stupid mouse cursor off the screen!!

Wheel support has been confirmed! Somewhere in the video, I forgot when the guy said it...

There is no new "racing" footage in the game, just new scenery and cars. Nothing OutRun related though it's not likely since OutRun was mainly focused in the 80's and 00's. I am still a bit concerned about drifting, manual transmission, and other sense of speed facets like car shake, force feedback, and tire effects but let's be patient...

I'm at work so I'm trying to rush through this. I honestly want to punch a hole through the wall that I'm not working on this. I would rather be working on that game than any other game right now. Honestly, the only thing I can do to help these guys is to simply give all my disposable income to them. Seriously, if I can't work on the game, I will do whatever I can to help and unfortunately, all that I can do is provide them with resources and blather on about it on the Internet. I'm ecstatic while simultaneously crying and feeling depressed right now. I will get back to you later once I finish working on these other obligations. Until then, God Speed, Sega Racing Fans...

How I feel about right now. Jim Mora, eh...................

PLEASE NOTE: I will post pictures I took on my iPhone really soon but since I'm typing this at work, I can't do that just yet. Later today...

Last Saturday was very strange to me. And it's not cause it was 4/20 (I don't smoke, SORRY KIDS). It's because my brother (2 years younger than me) and his girlfriend were driving to Orlando to come visit me for the day. It was a treat since it gave me the incentive to do something besides sleep in all day to make up for my lack of sleep during the work week.

Whatever, so we're off to go do stuff. First, we stop at Chipotle to eat tacos. I throw around a lot of jokes, get a bunch of laughs. Then after we eat, we want to do something fun. Since we're near International Drive where all the tourist traps are, we think "Hey, let's go putt-putt." So Brother searches for "putt putt" on his iPhone and we're off to some place called "Putting Edge." Strange thing is it takes us to the Festival Bay, a gigantic mall near the end of International Drive (by the Fun Spot and the terrible outlet malls that sell clothes I'm not interested in). We don't see a sign ANYWHERE for a Putting Edge but we do spot a Bass Pro Shops which served as an anchor to a large mall! Because Brother and Girlfriend are into outdoors stuff, they inexplicably want to go in. And I obliged.

In case you're like "dafuq is bass pro shops", it's basically a giant log-cabin department store with a shiatload of ourdoor merchandise--hunting, camping, fishing, boats, ATV's, an aquarium-esque fishing tank, "homemade" candy prepared an log cabin (yo dawg we herd you like...), NASCAR toys, Cabela's silly light-gun games (which reminds me, where the hell is Sega Bass Pro Fishing???), and old-timey red-state stuff. A far cry from Academy Sports (from my hometown Slidell, LA) which is basically a white box with some sporting goods in it. Since this place is so big, it was like an amusement park of its own. Brother pushed Girlfriend around in the shopping cart, checked out the lousy light-gun game, tried on hats, looked at poor taxidermed animals, took pictures next to the Tony Stewart sign, also checked out the stuffed toy animals (I bought a coyote and a brown thrasher, I like little toy animals, I think they're cool so STFU), and sat in comfy recliners.

But after we've had our fun for about an hour, I glance at the other exit to Bass Pro Shops--the one leading to the actual mall. Now the last time I was at this store, I hadn't gone into the mall. But here, there was a sign leading to the "Fantasy Arcade" or something. It was too alluring not to go so I told Brother and Girlfriend, "I'm going to check out that arcade, see ya later."

What happened next was rather surreal like a Twilight Zone or Creepypasta (at least to me anyway). See, I had walked into....a dead mall. It was a big, vacant hallway. All the stores were boarded up except for a few stragglers like a sporting goods, Smoothie King, and the indoor glow-in-the-dark Putting Edge that took us to this very building in the first place. As I was wandering around looking for the arcade, I felt like I had been here before... Visually, this building is nearly the same as some of the macabre dreams I had before--ones where everything was dim, the building was on its last legs, and a shoddy arcade. I did find the arcade and not to my surprise, it was a bunch of poorly aligned arcade cabinets with a bias towards American games (as usual). No Sega racers but they had Cruis'n World (dumb) and San Francisco Rush (better).

I didn't play any games though. Didn't feel like it. Was too weirded out by the place. I sort of wandered around aimlessly as I nearly crawled up into a ball to cry. Pains of going to the Northshore Square Mall in Slidell, LA to play Daytona USA 2 wrought me with misery. I feel like those dreams were just self-fulfilling prophecy of the death of malls (see this informative site), arcades, and Sega in general and that the happy times were never coming back. And how my journey thus far was really a dramatic one--that malls like this is where my "life force" came from and I'm trying to bring it home for racing game fans everywhere but I been shut out from being able to help for so long. Drama, I have it...

And like any good Creepypasta story, I didn't simply "run away" when things got weird. I stuck around and wandered some more and took pictures (Frank West style, speaking of Dead Rising, yeah this mall looks like it). Eventually, Brother & Girlfriend walked to the mall too but I ran back to Bass Pro Shops. What would happen is 30 minutes of us trying to message each other in order to meet up again but to little success. When I finally found them, in a cold I bought a bag of malted milk balls, munched on 'em in the car as I took off uneasy. I told Brother & Girlfriend that I felt ill but they didn't get it. I was very talkative up until the moment I went into the mall but afterwards, my energy was drained.

Well, what else is there to do on a Saturday night in Orlando? Eventually, we agreed to go to Dave & Buster's, the one that I went to twice already (once, twice). My mood lightened up once we got there. We paid $25 to play some games and, obviously, I had opted to play Daytona USA (no really?). Brother & Girlfriend stood on and watched but were mostly interested in getting in petty debates over dating stuff (which is why I'm currently single--no debating with girls and more time to play games).

While I shed a tear and was slightly healed from experiencing the cathartic effects of a Sega racer, the problem was the pedals were defunct. If you floored it, the car only accelerated 70-90% of the way, varying on the different machines. Like on Expert, I couldn't even pass a single car on the starting straightaway which is not supposed to happen. After playing a couple of rounds to much disappointment, I spotted an arcade attendee repairing a House of the Dead 3 machine. Told him "the pedals on those machines are off," he said okay but was mostly uninterested. I highly doubt he fixed them. Judging by how content people are from playing Beginner with the AT car bouncing off the walls with no skill, I highly doubt it was in Dave & Buster's interest to even repair the machines. That is depressing.

The day did end on an okay thing. We played this little football game where you score points by throwing tiny footballs through some holes. I got the worst score of us three and, in three plays, got consecutively worse scores. I Tebowed in the middle of the place. Girlfriend got the highest score of all (WTF indeed), plus she also beat me at Daytona USA on beginner (a first for me) but only because my cabinet had busted pedals and hers didn't and she used rubber banding to win. Was shitty but she didn't rub it in.

We go home to my apartment, I convince Brother & Girlfriend to watch a few Top Gear UK clips on YouTube, they go to sleep on the crappy Target futon, wake up early and drive back home. It was an interesting Saturday but in many ways depressing. It makes me think that over the last year or few, I sorta missed out on the pain that Sega & arcade games were going through and that I opted to spend my time on personal projects that had nothing to do with Sega, really. I couldn't help but cry a little.

Man, the reason I'm going through this "journey" to Sega is to bring back the good times for everyone who was in my boat. And we're making progress but still, I always feel I could've done better.

Good news though and that is my dad is coming up to visit me today. I get to see my dad again, it will be fun. Hopefully we don't get in any stupid situations like I did with Brother & Girlfriend, heh. I just want to be at peace, that is all...

I love you, Dad. I love you too, Sega, for your games fathered me like a real father would. You convinced me to be this way so I'm trying to spend time with you again. Just don't shut me out, please. And yes, I do have a habit of spinning media about missing family/friends/loved ones into missing Sega games and now you know that.

Okay, it's Saturday and my dad is hanging out with me in Orlando over the weekend. What is there to do in the big O on Saturday? PLENTY OF THINGS LIKE GET STUCK IN TRAFFIC AND LOUSY TOURIST TRAPS!!!

So after eating some pizza, me and my dad decided to go check out some go-karts. There's one place to go and that is the Fun Spot. It's basically a mini amusement park with a hundred, thousand billboards going up and down International Drive. It has a bunch of go-kart tracks, bumper boats, that scary-ass flinger ride, and an arcade.

Wooohoooooooooooooo.....

Whatever, so me and dad get stuck in traffic for an hour but we make it to the Fun Spot. Obviously my main goal is to check out that big-ass arcade of theirs!

There's the Fun Spot.

Omg, arcade.

I get there and frantically search both floors for a Sega racing game. Aaaaand...there is none. After spending an hour lamenting the inevitable death of yet ANOTHER arcade (no really, it's like being a WWII medic who has watched the tenth soldier die in front of him...like it just sucks ass to be completely helpless to the fact you can't save 'em), we decide to go out the go-karts.

The "Fun" Spot, rofl.

Okay, they're fine, they've got FOUR different tracks on the premises (with all but one being multi-level), but there's a catch. They're just super-ass slow--like I could run faster than these things. I'm guessing they went 10-15 mph. The tracks were neat but me and dad just had a sudden realization...the 45+ mph go-kart tracks that we've been meaning to visit for AGES...

FAST GO-KARTS

ARE

BACK...

Indeed, so we go rummaging the Fun Spot's pamphlet bin and find NOTHING based on go-karts. No kidding right, like why would the Fun Spot tell us to go ride any other go-karts besides these? Quick, let's leave the cheap-ass Fun Spot and run up the road to the Super McDonald's, get a pamphlet there, and head out to the go-karts at last.

Track Panorama

This is the go-kart track in question--the Orlando Kart Center. Now to get to this place, you had to drive super far away from Disney, Universal, or any tourist trap... Basically up the highway, down a few backroads, and there you go--a go-kart track. I was tempted to wear by Daytona hat but no, I left it in the car. It was probably for the best because this place turned out to be an F1 car haven...flying Brazilian flags (Ayrton Senna) and painting everything with Italian flag stripes (Ferrari). Surely I would've been booted out of the building because I didn't know how to turn right, or something.

Someone else's video of le track

Me and dad sign up for three 10-minute sessions, a grand total of 30 minutes driving. You start by filling out a health-and-safety form (in other words, we could die and we can't sue them) as well as a "nickname" on a computer (mine was "Junior" cause of #88 and I'm Eric Junior after all). Then you're given a balaclava (those socks that go over your head) and a helmet. Oh snap, this is getting serious. BUT THERE'S MORE--while waiting in the lobby, for our turn, there's a crowd of latino-looking men speaking to each other in Italian. They had Ferrari t-shirts on. They had nicknames on the screens like "Alberto," "Omar," "Rodrigo," and "Goias." Shit just got real.

Eventually, we put on our helmets and went to our assigned go-karts. Since there was no starting grid or rolling start, you basically compete against each other to get the fastest possible lap time. Computers can save each of your lap times and display them on screens next to your nickname. They also displayed your kart's RPMs so you can see who had the fastest karts (an outstanding feature). But enough about stats cause we're racing.

The Mysterious Driver!!!

I'll fix this damn picture later.

I am KICKING ASS at this stuff. Forget about the whole "lap time" business--I was gunning for everyone and made a ton of passes. My expertise at nailing the racing lines really payed off. Brake in, accel out. Gotta be careful though because if you slam the brakes, you'll do a slide and those aren't pretty in real life. After two or three laps, I finally got a feel for the thing. I was stunned after the first 10-minute session to find out that "Junior" had finished with the fastest time. Nobody said anything to me afterwards but I was feeling rather hot so I just stood in front of a fan sipping my McDonald's Root Beer.

Junior wins!!

Second session, the unfortunate news is that my kart was slower this time. The brakes were also weaker but at least I was less fearful of spinning out. Because guys were making steady progress on me (what else could I do?), I summoned up some sisu* and basically threw the kart into the corners, taking turns at full speed when before, I would've let off the gas a little. I slipped and slided but I ended up finishing somewhere in the middle in terms of time. Real bummer but I overachieved considering my kart's performance compared to the others.

Really, Google??? Is your Picasa photo uploading so stupid it won't submit the images with the right rotation???

Third session turned out to be the same thing but with a slightly better kart. This is when fatigue really kicked in. The problem this whole time was the damn balaclava and helmet were really obstructing me. Being constricted like that, I breathed in hot air which made me suffocate a bit so I had to adjust the mask often. Also, I lifted up the helmet visor because the scratched lens really pissed me off. Too bad all the dirt particles flew into my eye and made me uncomfortable. I also got bruises on my arm and sides from bouncing up and down on a plastic kart seat all this time. But regardless of physical pain, I still pushed the kart to 110 percent. I finished the last session in 2nd which was a good way to end the day.

I know where to hold my next cake day.

After that, me and dad went home. Dad had motion sickness, I had bruises and dirty eyes. But we drove over 45+ mph and it was a rewarding experience. Compared to video games, you actually get a "feel" of how the car's moving so you can react differently and do a better job of sensing where the racing lines are. That made me think of the potential I could use in real race-car driving as well as in video games where the "feel" of the car (sense of speed, momentum, center of gravity, etc) comes into play. Anyway, Orlando Kart Center. Better than the Fun Spot. Laters...

* - Had these guys been Finnish instead of Italian, I would've been in a world of trouble. >_>

If you didn't see the end of this Talladega race, you're a big dummy.

Congratulations! Welcome to Victory Lane! You made it!!

Just so you know, I helped that guy win.

Basically, teammates David Ragan (#34) and David Gilliand (#38), two of the Sprint Cup's "perennial losers," starting 11th/12th on the green-white-checkered finish, made a mad dash at the end of the Talladega race to finish 1st and 2nd respectively. Unlike other cars, the two bump-drafted each other through the field. I'm no David Ragan fan (who is anyway?) but I went NUTS when I saw him just slip into the lead and win. Beautiful. Especially teammate Gilliland, who had never won before, helping push his teammate across the line. A very selfless deed...

Just for reference's sake, I decided to look up both Davids' records for the start of the 2013 season and let you know how poorly they had done up until Talladega, just to illustrate how amazing it was to see their 1-2 finish:

Track: Ragan's position - Gilliand's position (out of 43 cars)
Daytona: 35th - 38th
Phoenix: 38th - 37th
Las Vegas: 31st - 28th
Bristol: 21st - 24th
Fontana: 24th - 29th
Martinsville: 30th - 28th
Forth Worth: 26th - 32th
Kansas: 30th - 23rd
Richmond: 20th - 27th
Talladega: 1st - 2nd

To be fair, you look at Ragan in the #34 car last year and he fared very well at both Talladega races (7th and 4th) so you could tell that for this team, Talladega was their one bullet in the chamber...took a chance and won the race. You'll probably lose next Sunday but savor this win as long as possible...

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is you take a look at someone like David Regan and Gilliland and you think "well, they can't accomplish anything, they have no chance." Well they had a chance with 2 laps to go and they WON. Don't quit, don't ever give up, don't let people tell you "you have no chance." JUST WIN, DAMMIT!!!! Winners never quit and quitters never win. Ok, you get the idea so GOOD NIGHT, POTENTIAL WINNERS!!!

Congrats, everyone, you are looking at the brand new console to be released by Microsoft at the end of the year. And yes, that's really the new Xbox One, can't you tell?

Anyway, to celebrate this glorious occasion, the game studio decided to throw a pizza party and air the conference on a projector. Me, I was just trying to hang myself from the other room cause I knew it wasn't going to be the Dreamcast 2 so what's the point of going on??? Anyway, Xbox One...really? What did we call the original Xbox? Just the "Xbox." Wait, you can't say that since you might be talking about any one of the three Xboxes. Damn, the "first Xbox." Well that ALMOST sounds like Xbox One cause "One" sorta equals "First." Fine, "original Xbox." Now that's just a mouthful and doesn't roll off the tongue at all. Screw it, the name is the least of our worries.

Remember that rant from a long time ago? About how games are trying to move away from gaming and more into the realm of electronic entertainment or "interactive stimulation"? Well, the future is here ladies and gentlemen. Games are secondary now. I want to be able to haul my console up to my damn room just for the sake of playing games--not to watch TV, make Skype calls, update my fantasy football, or be bothered by other people in general cause those are things I can do rather easily without the need for the Xbox One. Besides, people are the worst. Would you really like to be FORCED to interact with other people on your game console? Aren't we already loser nerds as it is, forced to play our games by our lonesome for hours on end? Last thing I want is to talk to anyone, geez.

I specifically remember playing this video from a year ago at Microsoft's E3. Oh how nothing's changed for the better.

Ah, finally, about 30 minutes into the conference, they finally mention games. Speaking of which, I really didn't expect many games to be shown here because E3 is around the corner (though odds are that'll suck too). But they went ahead with the same expected pre-rendered crap (they actually said "in-game footage" late in the conference, inferring everything before it was a sham) from the same games--EA Sports games, Forza 5, Call of Duty: Ghosts. Graphics are always nice to have but I'll say this--I'll fucking lose it if these games only run at 30 FPS max. I would rather play Xbox 360 games with 60 FPS than Xbox One games with 30 FPS. It makes a subliminal impact on the gameplay. I'm looking at old games like Daytona USA that run at 60 FPS and have responsive controls. THAT GAME WAS RELEASED NINETEEN YEARS AGO!! If we are still obsessed with graphics that bad that we need to crank up the level of detail to the point where the human eye can't notice it anymore, then fuck it, I'm done with this generation of games before they even started.

Oh, by the way, the Kinect is mandatory. So you can do Minority Style movements to navigate the menus. Okay, cool. They also said the detail is now more fine-tuned than ever. They say that "the Kinect can even recognize wrist turning" which translates to "the Kinect THINKS it can recognize wrist turning but it does such a shitty job at picking it up therefore the broken wrist turning mechanics will be shoehorned into your games, thus breaking certain aspects of the game because some fool thought that shoving the Kinect up your game's ass like a dildo was a smart idea."

Forza 5. Okay, great graphics, the cityscape was pretty, other than that, what else is there to be expected?

Call of Duty. Somehow, things like "feeling affection for your characters" and "character customization" are groundbreaking revolutionary features in video games. Oh, and lighting in the year 2013. And the dog.

EDIT: Oh, and Microsoft employees were the only one cheering.

Somehow, to suppress the fact their console is laden with a bunch of shit, they decided to announce the rest of the bad news at a tech conference proceeding the main show. Never mind the fact that Sony's stock went up 9% at the very moment you guys unveiled the name "Xbox One"! Here's a couple of QA questions that should alleviate maybe 2% of your concerns. BTW, their answer to always-online is flat out deceptive--the console must be connected to the Internet at least every 24 hours to remain functional off-line. I can see why they'd give you the 24 hour leeway in case your connection drops for a moment but still, the fact you have to sign in often is ridiculous. EDIT: Also dawned on me, I know Microsoft has like some 3000 servers up, but what should happen if the servers (or at the ones near you) went down? Could you even play the Xbox One anymore if that was the case?? Ya know, cause of the whole mandatory sign-in thing. Brilliant, we've seen it before with Diablo 3 and SimCity, let's do consoles next.

Then there's no backwards compatibility. Congratulations, Xbox One, now I have no reason to buy your console right away (assuming I felt like buying this giant VCR-shaped paper-weight) because the library of games over the last 7 years is meaningless! And with the rate that 360's are bricking (RRoD), then it means that within a couple of years, it'll be nigh impossible to play any 360 games, awesome!!!

Also the used games debacle! You must pay a fee for each unique console you play a game on. No longer can you just toss your friend a copy of the game for him to borrow--he has to pay money to play it on his machine too, even if you can't play simultaneously with him. Again, sticking fingers up the ass of the used game market. Oh woe is me, I bought a used car, house, furniture, clothes, those are okay. But video games aren't. How about you stop making such shitty games and maybe I will actually buy them new instead of used.

Do the math. Mandatory Kinect + Always Online + No Backwards Compatibility + Death of Used Games = our worst nightmares come true. I will not be supporting the Xbox One, period. And the fact is, I bet a lot of you people agree. But the fact is Microsoft is still part of the console oligopoly. How long can you hold out until you buy the Xbox One? Look at the Xbox 360--it's debatably the most mainstream of the three console because of huge library and tons of other cool features. If the Xbox One, God forbid, starts to pick up steam after its release (and it will, Microsoft will pimp that out like they did with the Kinect), how long until you cave? Fact is Microsoft can frankly have their way with you, you can detest it, but in the end, you'll probably give them a little more leeway, "this thing sucks but at least I can play the games I like so I'm okay," etc. etc. Same thing with Electronic Arts and so forth--how they still continue to look good despite the fact that large swaths of the Internet hate their guts. "Mass Effect, Battlefield, Madden...okay I'll support EA, but just this once!!!" Whew, good thing Sonic is staying Nintendo-exclusive after all...

EDIT: Hey, here's another infograph I saw comparing the Xbox One's specs to the PS4:

Yep...stick with the PS4.

Whatever, just one more kick in the balls before I'm through. I caught this on Kotaku out the corner of my eye. It's the first revealed screenshot of the new Need for Speed game.

Someone tell me what's wrong here. If you said "lack of colors" you're absolutely right. Grey skies, dingy hues, "grungy shaders" (literally, some guy came down from Epic to lecture some artists about shades of brown). Somehow, being colorful is "gay" while being colorless is "cool, epic, beast mode." Well, I'd rather be gay than all those other things. Gay as in "happy" you sick freaks. I'm out, deuces man...DEUCES.

In case you hadn't seen it before...TV TV TV TV TV TV XBOX WATCH TV TV TV MOVIE TV EXPERIENCE MOVIE TV TV TV SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS SPORT SPORTS TELEVISION TV TELEVISION WATER COOLER TV TV TV CALLOFDUTY CALLOFDUTY CALLOFDUTY CALLOFDUTY DOG CALLOFDUTY CALLOFDUTY DOG CALLOFDUTY

Well guys, one of the least pleasant things in my life happened today. You're not going to believe it coming from me but here goes...

I wrecked my car for the very first time. Before everyone panics, let me get some good things out of the way now. Nobody, including myself was hurt. The car, for the most part, is intact. Very little damage to everything else besides my car. I have insurance and a AAA and the cops didn't treat me like some outlaw or adrenaline junkie. My dad is on the way here to help me get my car fixed. Still, I wrecked my car.

Let me explain what happened. It's raining, I'm in the office complex's parking lot and have one left turn to go before I made it to my building. The problem was this black pavement turns into black ice when wet. I really had no idea until it's too late. I can't steer or brake at 25 mph as I careen forward into a dumpster behind a fence. No thanks to the lack of ABS but meh, it wouldn't have helped much anyway. The air bags deployed but I wasn't slapped in the face or anything. I was able to start the engine, turn the wheel entirely left & right, play the CD, turn on the air conditioner, and roll up & down the windows. The main damage came from the right front light which was smashed along with some usual rumbling on the front right wheel, plus the windshield was cracked, the right door won't open, and the air bags obviously went off.

I sorta wept man tears for a while knowing that I had potentially killed my companion of seven years over a stupid incident that could've been prevented. Thankfully, everything else went okay. A utility worker called the police for me (lovely), the cop didn't ream me too hard with a ticket ($130), and I was able to drive the car into a nearby parking spot (boy, it would be nice to leave work and see my car parked next to yours...just needs blood on the windshield and doors). I am feeling better about the car's chance for survival and my ability to rebound. Personally, I would prefer not to buy a new car for three main reasons--odds are it won't perform any better than my old car (as in it handled well, was clean, and required minimum maintenance), I plan on moving to Britain in a year or two to work for Sumo Digital assuming I get a job there, and I love my old car. It's a real shit-sucker but to be honest, if you KNEW you were going to get in a wreck some day, this is the best way to wreck. No one's hurt and everything's being remedied rather quickly.

Still...this has to be the most punk ass bitch way of causing a wreck. Basically sprinkle the ground with vasoline, make it rain, and don't warn people about potentially slipper terrain. I mean, put a "slow down when wet" sign or even a speed bump for God's sake--those things suck but at least they would've saved my ass. Had this been a wreck on dry terrain and/or involving another driver, my morale as an "outstanding driver" would've been shot to hell. But here, I'm just fuckin' pissed and want to get back on the road as soon as possible. I don't want to pay a bunch of money, talk to a bunch of random strangers, and wait a long-ass time to get driving again. That's what makes this so difficult...

Really, could be a worse wreck...see my family friend who decided to ramp a ditch in his Corvette and end up deep in the woods. Lol, really, you can still see the tire marks where he went off road. Me on the other hand, just get a hammer and some duct tape and you're ready to go. Finish 20 laps down but hey, you still get credit for finishing.

There is a mixed blessing among this. One being that I get to hang out with my dad again. Another being that I've "experienced" a wreck and have a new-found appreciation for life. Third being that it gives me more ammo to joke about. Like being fired or vomiting after a large meal with some friends, it's like "hawhaw, here's some funny jokes at my expense." That's more source material which is good!

I'll probably post pics later cause I don't care. I certainly hope I recover soon. Plus I want to talk about the races over the last two weeks so hang on for those. Car wrecks aren't going to break my stride. Semi-relevant video:

HE'S SEEN THE FEAR...HE NEEDS SEGA RACER THERAPY!!!

Well, there's good news and bad news. The good news is my wrecked car only suffered cosmetic damage. My dad drove it back home 9 hours with no problem (lol). But that's where the good news ends.

Today, I was let go from my job, just one day before my probation period ended. I was not given a specific reason why other than "you're not working up to the company's standards." I was not given anything I did wrong nor was I given any ways to "improve" myself. I asked for advice from these HR people but got none. There were no programmers/engineers there to say anything. They simply ripped the band-aid off and told me "tough shit, we don't need you anymore," which is asinine when I showed up to work every day, did the necessary hours, completed all my tasks in time, added & polished new features in the game that were never there before, had a good attitude and made friends. I know nothing what I did, nobody warned me about my bad work, I was led to believe I was doing good, and frankly, some of my co-workers were equally shocked that I was shit-canned.

This is fucking awful. At least my previous job was laughably pathetic because it was an internship for a company that would cease making video games and lay off half the staff in the next month anyway. But here, this game is on the upswing. It got a six month extension (expected to release August '14) and they are moving into a larger studio to make room for additional openings. So basically, I'm terrible and I don't know why.

Just fan-fucking-tastic when you spend $80,000 on both a Bachelor's and Master's degrees and you can't hold down a job for more than three months. I don't know who's to blame--me or the company. I will never know. There could be a few individuals who just don't like me for some arbitrary reason, hence their ability to will the HR people to fire me. At this rate, I will never accomplish anything that's "good" for the dreadful video game universe at this rate. Won't be able to work at Sega or Sumo Digital. Just packing it up. Fuck it, you want $10 mil budget "realistic" games, fine, take it. No help for you guys. Fuck video games, fuck my life, and now I gotta go home with my family once again and find a job at which I won't get fired for some shitty reason. FML...

...until I saw this on Reddit Gaming...was like 6th or 7th from the top of the page.

Let the Burnout/Split-Second spooge-fest begin! I love how we can't even play the "less realistic racing games plz" card anymore cause it descends to this:

"Hey Eric, like the new Forza/Drive Club?"
"No, I'm tired of realistic games, they should be more focused on gameplay and being fun."
"Oh so it's like Burnout, that's awesome!"
"No...something a little more colorful and lighthearted and...not bro-tastic."
"How about Mario Kart!"
"No, I mean something more arcade-like, fast-paced, and skill based!"
"...Need for Speed?"
"....>_>"

I think I've had the above conversation like twenty times in my life already. Bah, Sega can't win.

GUYS I'M DOING ALRIGHT NOW. Sorry about the radio silence. This has been a really shitty week--let me just describe it as best as I know how.

PRE-MEMORIAL DAY 5/24:
Things are going swimmingly. The project we're working on received a six-month extension and the company is upsizing! Everyone is let off work a few hours early but I stay to add an alternate control scheme for the vehicles as presented by another one of the programmers (accel, brake, and steer are mapped to the left joystick). Got that in, impressed the "boss," and got a three-day weekend (Monday was Memorial Day).

WEDNESDAY 5/29:
After an average Tuesday workday, I drive in to work on a damp Wednesday morning. As I enter the parking lot in my blue 2-door bullet-shaped sedan, I traverse some slippery black pavement with one more left-hand turn to go before I reach my parking space. Hit the brakes but OOPS, the car won't slow down or turn as I careen into a fenced region with a dumpster inside at about 20 mph. Airbags go off, windshield cracks, and an undetermined amount of damage is concurred to the front right of the vehicle as two of my coworkers run over to aid me...and end up slipping on the black pavement as well. Shows you how ridiculously bad this pavement is in the rain...a sign or a speed bump would've helped you sons of bitches. It was the most BS way to crash, really.

I am not physically hurt but have to hold back man-tears because of fear my vehicular companion of 7 years may have taken its last ride. After making a round of calls to the cops, insurance, rental car, AAA guys, one placed to my family, my dad's response was basically "HOLD ON SON JUST LEAVE THE CAR THERE!!" as he hopped in my mom's black 4-door Mercedes and drove 9 hours from Louisiana (my original home) to Florida (my workplace) just to help fix the car. I called off the tow truck and the rental car as he showed up after work to bang the car together a bit. Turns out all the damage was cosmetic and all it needed was a new windshield, airbags, and front right light and bumper/panels. My dad was able to drive it back to the garage to get the windshield replaced which was a miracle in and of itself.

That combined with the ticket would probably set me back at least a week's salary which isn't TOO bad and is certainly a relief because I thought I would be reamed with much more than that. I didn't think things could get much worse than this but guess what--it did! :D

FRIDAY 5/31:
So anyway, after spending some impromptu quality time with my dad on Thursday, he jets back to Louisiana Friday morning in my blue car for repairs while I drive the Benz to work for the second day in a row. All is good as me and everyone else appear to be loafing around the office before the weekend arrives.

At 6 pm, one of the HR ladies comes to my office saying she needs to speak with me. I say okay, and we make this rather awkward walk down the hall to the conference room. I've seen that expression on her face before, the one that's like "you're fucked so I won't say anything to you" as I'm forced to sit in the room alone for a few minutes waiting for people to show up for the eventual sacrificial lamb ceremony. Two more HR people arrive and, to summarize, say "We're letting you go at the end of your probation period because the engineers say you have had performance issues, goodbye." (FYI, engineer = programmer)

At this point, I turn pale as my worst nightmare turns true--I had failed to hold down my second job for ridiculous reasons and all I could think of was the metaphorical vacuum cleaner that had sucked me right out of the womb and tossed me into the dumpster--the very one I had run into two days ago. I beg them to tell me what I had done wrong or how I could have improved but they basically deflected it, saying that they're not engineers so they have no idea. Hey, this is wonderful. I'm being let go from my job without a single clue on how to improve myself going into my next job. It's as if the cowardly engineers who called for my abortion decided not to stare me in the face one last time and try to help me out as a human being in need of improvement just so that they could bolt home from work and get the weekend started a few minutes later. You've gotta be kidding me.

After getting shit-canned for the second time for no good reason, watching both my car and my job get destroyed in seconds, I panic and start calling friends and family, including my parents, to tell them about how molested I had just felt. What happens next? Dad calls and says "HOLD ON SON I'LL BE THERE TO BRING YOU HOME!!" That's right, my dad who had just arrived back in Louisiana after driving 18 hours in the last two days insisted on driving straight back to Florida AGAIN (in a different car besides the blue bullet) with my brother and his GF in tow just to help me pack up my stuff and return home with my family. Apparently I couldn't have made the 9-hour drive alone by myself (I was too emotionally wrecked) and my mom wanted me home for her birthday (June 2nd, 2 days from now) so yep, there goes my dad again.

SATURDAY 6/1:
At this point in time, all I could think about is why exactly was I fired and how utterly distraught I was. Was it because I was a terrible employee? Was it because I wasn't smart or good enough at this job career? Or was it because I rubbed my boss the wrong way? These are thing that had me in a cold sweat as my dad showed up at 5 am to pick me up and drive me home that day, making him drive a grand total of 36 hours in the last three days. Thanks game studio for sucking ass and not firing me on a Thursday. Would've saved us a lot of stress and gas money.

I get home and spend time with my family at last. Too bad as soon as I get home, the house basically collapses in on itself as I have to contend with other issues--Brother #1's girlfriend who is always getting in fights and stirring up trouble, Brother #2's loudmouth friends and irrational obsession with whoever uses his toothbrush, Brother #3 and his friend always playing video games and bothering me at every waking moment. It's like not only did getting fired fuck up my life, it also fucked up my family's cause now I'm another obstacle that's trying to inhibit progress or some bullshit like that.

MONDAY 6/3:
After a weekend's worth of radio silence, I finally get in touch with one of my friends at the company. He says that I was the only one fired and that there were meetings going on discussing why exactly I was fired. In other words, every single person, including the engineers who called for my head, was discussing my termination with everyone else EXCEPT FOR THE PERSON WHO ACTUALLY GOT FIRED which is me. There was nothing I could do but picture my sacrificial lamb corpse being flogged and molested some more as every single lie about me propagated through that building and all my credibility was shot to hell.

I immediately fell sick once again as my mother decided to take actions into her own hands and send a "to whom it may concern" email to the company in a last-ditch attempt to find out what was being said about me. Was this a good idea? I DON'T KNOW, I'm in panic mode as it is so it's not like things could get that much worse. Who replied? The head of the company, not one of the engineers, who rather than try to find out some legitimate information replied with a jerk-ass email about how he's sorry and how it's a big company and you suck so STFU and never bother us again. My mother was aghast and so was I.

TUESDAY 6/4:
Another miserable day and, after rocking the boat for so long, I finally get some sort of e-mail response from an anonymous engineer (though I can tell who it is) with a list of wrongdoings and things I could do to improve myself. The list was mostly bullshit--basically a couple of one-time errors that I had made in the last two weeks that I had since then apologized and corrected. What's one for instance? "Including vestigal code that could possibly break the game's logic or the build in the future." It was one instance of me setting a UDK actor as the parent of another actor and that was over a month ago. Boss man asked me what I had meant by that code and I walked in, succinctly explained what it had meant by these few lines of code from a long time ago, and they were removed and no harm was done. But somehow, because of this one incident, I was essentially leaving landmines throughout the entire database. Okay.

Another thing--"Doesn't know how to follow design documents or take instruction." This one I love so much. Basically, the last thing I was working on with the game was UDK vehicles--a tank and two 4-wheel-vehicles to be specific. And after receiving a bunch of good feedback on how the vehicles have handled, I received an outdated design document for the vehicle as well as feedback from various designers, some of whom spent time in countless meanings or weren't at work at all. So I was sorta left with a bunch of incomplete, conflicting design ideas for the vehicles, some of which I had to bang together and hand off to whomever was reviewing them at the moment. I always carried and pen & paper with me to write down any suggested changes which I implemented one-by-one. Yet somehow, it's all my fault for being a lousy employee.

Yet another thing--"Don't submit huge chunks of code at once and review over it 100 times." Basically, just be all tippy-toed when editing code which IMO sorta conflicts with my programming methodology. I just took very small steps trying to edit large systems of the game and whenever I'd try to hurry things up, I'd get a stern lecture. It was really nonsensical and is another thing that just clashed with my boss.

And lastly, the most fun of all--"Repeatedly late" and "Always playing games in his spare time." The time frame to arrive in the morning is from 8 to 10 am. You must stay for 9 hours each day. Me, I opted to arrive at 10 am and leave at 7. It was a good deal and my bosses rarely spoke up against it. But somehow, in that last week, wrecking my car and limping to work late didn't help my cause any. It's like the flair from Office Space--you want me to show up at 9 am? Then make it a rule to show up at 9 AM!!! As for the games--we always have a one-hour lunch break to hang out and play games if we like. I was playing games during that time but because of how low-pressure the time was that last week of employment, I would occasionally open up my iPhone to click on my Tiny Tower buildings. Not like I replaced work with games...I just started running out of work that last week because everyone was either in a meeting or simply loafed around as well.

In short, my worst nightmares had come true--my boss only took the worst aspects of my tenure (from his point of view), blew them up really large, and used them to incriminate me as a terrible employee. To make it worse, my boss had opted not to be transparent with my wrongdoing this whole entire time, essentially feigning friendship with me until the last moment when I was taken out via a firing squad he wasn't even present in. I still have yet to reply to that e-mail. Technically, they have my balls in a vice so I can't reply even with the slightest disagreement since they'll think I've learned nothing and won't give me a positive reference in my future employment. Just the quality of everything has went to shit since I got fired. Did I learn something from all this? Sure! Be more transparent with your boss. Be more conscientious with your image. Also try showing up to work a little earlier and put down the iPhone. But there are ALWAYS things you can do better to improve your image so that's beside the point.

TLDR: The whole thing boils down to this--I had a picky boss whom had duped me into thinking I was doing a good job up until the very last moment when I was fired and accused of being a terrible employee. He had taken forever to get back to me with a crummy email listing a bunch of wrongdoings I don't necessary agree with. I am currently unemployed and living with my parents but I'll find another game programming job somewhere (I SURE HOPE SO) and hopefully rebound from this mess. Thanks for reading. I want to get back on-topic with some Sega stuff, some Indy 500 or NASCAR talk, it's just that I feel like I've been dunked repeated in a tub of dog piss over the last couple of days so it's gonna take some serious time to recover. Thanks for your understanding.

Guys, I have a confession to make. I haven't been keeping up on E3. I do not care about 99.9999% of the games they talk about. I know about how everyone is taking a dump on Microsoft whom is trying to spin-doctor their way out of the fact their console sucks. Microsoft blows now, Sony all the way, even though I have little incentive to buy any next-gen consoles. But I will tell you what I know.

This is the best thing that Sony has done since Kevin Butler.

Yeehaw, watch this burn on nine different screens for nine times the sizzle.
Also the PS4 is region-free, Xbox One isn't, oh happy days are here again.

See you in Hell, Microsoft. Where you'll be forced to play sub-par Kinect games for eternity, the same exact games you forced your pitiful developers to make. Really, they have a patent on viewing/counting the number of people the Kinect picks up on, NO SERIOUSLY, READ THIS. Didn't get this from from /r/gaming either. See you in hell too with your little 2-second satisfaction posts for LE SWEET, SWEET KARMA.

As for Pokemon, you now have Fairy type Pokemon. Boy I'd never see the day, rofl!! As for Smash Bros, you have Mega Man and Wii Fit Trainer. Hooray Nintendo. Let's hope that Sonic makes a return especially to return the favor that Sonic games are going Nintendo-exclusive. Speaking of Sonic and Sega, well, there's really nothing I give a crap about. There's new Sonic games, including another Sonic & Mario Olympics game (WHO KEEPS BUYING THESE????), Bayonetta 2, and some Mickey Mouse game I don't care about (I'm trying to get the fuck out of Orlando, remember?) but that's it. Hey Sumo, where is that elusive DLC character for Sega All-Stars Racing: Transformed? Where's Ryo Hazuki? Where's Segata Sanshiro? Where's Yu Suzuki with the Shenmue 3 announcement? And that's how the world turns for a Sega fan--get your hopes up, wait, wait, wait, wait, get old, wait, wait, wait, wait, muse about how good you thought Sega was, wait, wait, wait, wait, then get a life or die of heartache.

Now about racing games. Nope, nothing I care about. Forza and Driveclub are bleh--too much realism, not enough emphasis on having fun. Well, how about Need for Speed: Rivals? Surely this game would induce vomiting but hold up a sec--just watch the gameplay footage. It's a bit weird cause there's multiple screens going on. Basically, it's simultaneous gameplay from the points of view from the evader and the cop.

Now this game isn't made by Black Box, responsible for the atrocity that is NFS: The Runs, or Criterion with their overrated crash-gasm games. This is from Ghost Games, a new EA studio out of Gothemburg, Sweden. And overall, looking at this game, it doesn't look TOO bad. Basically, it feels kinda like the old NFS games--you drive around, cops are behind you with the radio chatter, you weave around ever-changing landscapes, and there's no stupid bonuses for doing stunts, shunting and using EMPs to make your rivals crash and die. Here's footage from NFS 4: High Stakes on the PS1.

Looks familiar, don't it? Plus Rivals has Ferraris in it. Hey, if Ferrari endorses something (*coughoutrun2cough*), you know it's gotta be good stuff. But I'm not getting my hopes up cause this is still a NFS game that has EA's greasy fingerprints all over it so I'm still a no-buy for me. But it's worth giving props where it's due.

Other racing games...well, there's also Mario Kart 8. Their new feature this time around is driving up on the ceiling and walls, kinda like in Super Mario Galaxy, to create more dynamic looking tracks. They also seems to have tightened up the handling a bit cause I bet you they saw Sega All-Stars Racing: Transformed and thought "oh shit we're gonna get our asses kicked here" even though they have yet to introduce boats or planes into their game--rather they stuck with hang-gliders and driving on the bottom of the lakes. Sumo, you got Nintendo where you want 'em.

One more thing. Dead Rising 3 sucks ass. What made the first two cool were the colorful mall/casino backdrops. Here's it's a crappy-ass town loaded with gritty shaders. Oh, and I don't give a damn about The Last of Us either. I know that's not E3-related but I'm tired of hearing about that damn game. Again, where's Shenmue 3. Later guys.

Okay guys, we're back online and I'm sorry about the huge ass delay. I'm alive and kicking, just barely though...

This news is OLD'd but I don't care, I thought you'd want to hear my take on it. So, the new DLC character for Sega All-Stars Racing is the Russian commander from Company of Heroes 2. This is DLC that came out on July 4th which makes no sense since it's an AMERICAN holiday, not a Red Commie one (BOOOOO) but that's besides the point because the character choice is certainly a strange one. It's a WWII tank/submarine/fighter combo and that alone deserves praise because the idea of driving a TANK sounds like real neat idea. Otherwise, my response might as well be summarized by this...

This character, along with the other PC exclusives like the Tactician and the Shogun really show how much Sega has fallen off the map. Perhaps I'm a bit bitter that I wish more relatable Sega characters like Ryo Hazuki, Segata Sanshiro, Jacky Bryant, Ristar, Vectorman, Bonanza Bros. Toejam & Earl, ChuChu's, or even freakin Bayonetta made it into a game that was meant to promote Sega's Golden Age. Or also bitter that DarthS0L, Sumo, or Sega basically played us for fools, proposing "Internet petishuns" to help get our favorite characters in the game that were all for naught really.

But the main cause for bitterness is seeing characters from games that I could barely consider Sega in nature (Football Manager, Total War, Company of Heroes) are getting precedence over the other characters for political posturing--people who liked Sega All-Stars Racing are more likely to get into Football Manager, Total War, etc. and vice versa. It's free promotional material for games that are just painfully non-Sega in nature. I mean Western-developed games about gritty war heroes and football simulators isn't what Sega should be known for. It shows that they've completely failed to develop good games in recent time and are willing to stamp their name on any decent games they can get their hands on to seem relevant once again. I'm not saying games like Football Manager or Total War suck, but whenever I read stories about them on the Sega blogs, my thoughts basically devolve to "meh" since I didn't get involved in Sega years ago just to read about them. Really, to this day I'm still utterly baffled that Sega would get involved in the Aliens franchise, only to watch garbage Gearbox and Randy Pitchfork piss all over it.

Anyway, cause the Reddit-spooge-inducing Steam Summer Sale is on, I picked up Sonic All-Stars Racing: Transformed up for PC for $8. Not bad and I hope you did too. I haven't played it yet but I'll have it for 60 FPS goodness on a rainy day. One problem I finally realized after all these months is that the game isn't going to work with this fancy GT steering wheel I got a while back. Why?? Because you can't fly planes with a steering wheel. Now that's just lame... Think I said this before but if given the choice for cars only at 60 FPS or cars/boats/planes for 30 FPS, I'd take the cars at 60 FPS. And the steering wheel compatibility is another reason...

Sonic All-Stars Racing: Transformed is basically in its waning phase and if Sumo were to add anything else to the game at this point, I'd probably shit bricks. Doubt it'd happen though.

We do have another update from another game and it's from The 90's Arcade Racer crew via Kickstarter email. This was some time in June. Basically, they're going all-out with this game now, as they have introduced what appears to be an airport terminal level (Scud Race, duh) as well as the "Omnomnomnom" car which is clearly meant to be the Phantom Full Force car. In other words, I think feature creep is kicking in as the crew has said f*** it to normal arcade conventions, let's crank the number of cars and tracks in this game up to 11. Here's two hi-res screenshots.

Now, I might as well tell you what happened recently too and this was after I got fired. Basically, I sent Pelikan another email about my recent woes and said I can help with the game if necessary (also gave him the link to my personal portfolio site). He sympathized with me but has since then never replied back with an "offer" (even a free one would do, that's how much I want to help with the game). And I can understand the lack of offer since I am a programming noob who lives on a completely different continent than he does.

So the game is coming along nicely and let's face it--I've kinda run out of things to do for racing games. The 90's Arcade Racer is basically out there honing in on the Sega Racing Utopia Project we've all desired while Sega and Sumo Digital are jerking off and every other racing dev is obsessed with making their racing games as photorealistic as possible, gameplay or fun be damned. I did throw out the idea about a year ago that I should create my own 3D arcade racing game like Daytona or OutRun on my own but let's face it--it'd never work. I'm not an artist and I no longer have access to the same tools/software that I did during my days at grad school. It would be like constructing a car out of popsicle sticks but no glue. The 90's Arcade Racer is doing better than I ever could in a freelance project so I'm basically left in the dust to play the role of an inept cheerleader. You have no idea how much this depresses me.

As an aside, and I hate getting all emo once again, but my motives have most certainly changed over the last couple of years. At first it was all "hoorah, we're gonna work for Sega and make Daytona USA 3," then it's "well, Sega seems out of reach but it might happen and I might get to work on some racing games," to "I don't give a shit anymore, I'll work for anyone who pays for me." My optimism certainly got shot down, curb stomped, and roasted as firewood really quickly. I'd consider it fortunate if I ever get to "contribute" to a racing game ever again outside of Super Sprint. Argh, everything just got all fucked up since I was fired and I'll be lucky if I ever get a job working at a video game studio again. Sorry to be Debbie Downer. I'll be back with more updates someday so later guys.

So this is the first time I've posted in a month so it'll be difficult but I'll try my best.

The NASCAR season has 10 races to go. This is the "Chase." Let me explain for those who don't know. For the first 26 races of the season, drivers gain points and wins, like a regular race series. Once the 26 races are over, the Top 12 drivers are entered into the Chase, where the points are reset and it becomes a brand new season over the last 10 races. Drivers that fail to make the Chase still participate in the races but only the 12 Chase drivers can win the championship trophy. So basically, if you want to win the Big Trophy at the end, you MUST make the Chase.

As you imagine, there's a couple of problems with this. The first one is if you gain enough points to lock yourself in the Chase, those last couple of races become meaningless in terms of the Championship. Look at Jimmie Johnson's record over the last 4 races--finished 40th, 36th, 28th, and 40th, very noobish, I figure Jimmie liked wrecking the car cause "YOLO, I'm in the Chase anyway." Yeah, Jimmie has that baby girl but who cares, NASCAR trumps family. The second one, which we can see on display now, is that racing teams will "game the system" to get their drivers enough points to make it to the Chase. That is not to say this has never happened in motorsport but the nature of the Chase just acerbates the problem.

Richmond was the 26th race, a 3/4 mile oval. Four drivers were on the bubble--Joey Logano (#22), Martin Truex Jr. (#56), Jeff Gordon (#24), and Ryan Newman (#39), and only two of the four could make the Chase. A couple of things go down and here's what I got out of the flurry of news the last few days:

* Early in the race, Jeff Gordon struggles and goes a lap down. Going a lap down is a death kneel for a driver's chances of winning. Think about restarts as "rounding up" your lap progress so if you're on the lead lap when that happens, you gain a lot of ground (dropped a second behind the leader) that you don't get a lap down. So stay on the lead lap as long as you can. Hendrick Motorsports teammate Jimmie Johnson dings his car to draw a caution that helps Jeff get his s*** together and back on the lead lap.

* Brian Vickers is ordered to pit with a few laps to go to help his fellow Michael Waltrip Racing teammate, Martin Truex Jr., move up another spot.

* Joey Logano falters late into the race (about 20-25th place). One position ahead of Logano is David Gilliliand (#38). Penske Motorsports (Logano's team) bribes Front Row Racing (Gilliliand's team) to tell the Gilliliand to slow down and let Logano pass.

* But worst of all! Late in the race, Ryan Newman is leading the race by a sizable margin. If he wins, then he's in the Chase. Michael Waltrip Racing, owner of Clint Bowyer (#15) and Martin Truex Jr.'s cars, is aware that Truex Jr. is in jeopardy of missing the Chase if Newman wins. So Clint (who is a lock for the Chase) is ordered to spin out with 5 laps to go to help Truex Jr. A caution comes out and on the restart, Newman loses his momentum and finishes 3rd. It gives Truex Jr. just enough points to make the Chase.

"39's gonna win the race"

"Well that kinda sucks...5 more right here"

"Is your arm starting to hurt?"

"I bet it's hot in there, itch it"

"Oh yeah"

*le spin*

There's no real defense of what happened here. Shoot, in the post race interview, if you stare away from the camera and say "Yeah, uhhmm, we had a bad tire..." you're lying. And Clint continues to do television interviews denying any wrongdoing with team owner Michael Waltrip claims Clint really had poison ivy (who tells someone to really scratch their arm on the radio???). He's not in court, he doesn't need to plead the 5th, he's already been slapped on the wrist, he might as well say "I cheated, I'm sorry" and just get on with it. But no, he continues to shred any credibility he's had thus far. If you're dug in a hole, most give up but a few keep digging their way to China. Remember this is the same guy from a year ago who instigated a brawl with Jeff Gordon so I'm not surprised by Bowyer's actions.

Post-race, the initial result were Truex Jr. and Logano are in the Chase and Gordon and Newman are out. However, the next day, NASCAR penalized Michael Waltrip Racing, deducting points from Bowyer, Truex Jr., and Vickers and suspending their pit chiefs. The point loss was enough to replace Newman with Truex Jr. in the Chase. And then, a few days later, after the Logano controversy comes to light and after Gordon's bitching, NASCAR puts Gordon in the chase too for a grand total of 13 Chase drivers, flagrantly tossing the rulebook out the window. As of now, Logano or Gordon were not penalized for their mutinies.

The only thing more baffling is Michael Waltrip's dance routine.

EDIT: It gets better! Today, NASCAR adds a new rule to the book that reaffirms COMMON SENSE SPORTS ETIQUETTE that we were taught by Herm Edwards years ago.

NASCAR requires its competitors to race at 100 percent of their ability with the goal of achieving their best possible finishing position in an event. Any competitor who takes action with the intent to artificially alter the finishing positions of the event or encourages, persuades or induces others to artificially alter the finishing position of the event shall be subject to a penalty from NASCAR. Such penalties may include but are limited to disqualification and/or loss of finishing points and/or fines and/or loss of points and/or suspension and/or probation to any and all members of the teams, including any beneficiaries of the prohibited actions.

Artificially altered' shall be defined as actions by any competitor that show or suggest that the competitor did not race at 100 percent of their ability for the purpose of changing finishing positions in the event at NASCAR's sole discretion.

Is this really necessary? Are NASCAR drivers dicking around that much that they need to be told "you better try hard or else"? Can't we just say "don't game the system" and call it a day? Okay, so this 100% balls out thing is A BIG F'ING DEAL. Get Rich Christensen on the phone. He runs bracket drag races (which make no sense) and he can tell when you're not going all out, hence the name of his show PINKS: ALL OUT. Some BS like "Jimmie Johnson ran a 32 sec lap at qualifying, now he's running 31.5 sec laps late in the race, he's clearly sandbagging, BLACK FLAG HIS ASS."

IF YOU DON'T GO ALL OUT, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE HERE

NASCAR has no idea what they're doing. Truex Jr. is the sacrificial lamb in this situation. It's a shame because technically, he did nothing wrong, his teammates did. Bowyer and Logano are still in the Chase, Truex isn't. And after learning about Gordon's inclusion in the Chase, Truex Jr. objects to it. Think about this--if Truex is punished by Bowyer's yellow flag, shouldn't Gordon be punished for Johnson's yellow flag too? So basically, NASCAR is like a reality TV show that adds and changes flimsy rules as it goes on to create the drama it so desires.

I CALL BULLSHIT YOU GUYS

Besides, I'm getting tired of the Chase being called "NASCAR's playoffs" anyway. In other sports, if you lose a playoff game (or series of games), you're eliminated from subsequent competition. Players/teams are eliminated until one remains. In NASCAR, this isn't the case since you can still participate in and win races even if you're mathematically eliminated from the Chase or aren't even in it in the first place. Just get into the chase, get a car that can win mile/mile-and-a-half tracks and win the championship. Besides, what are the odds these non-Chase drivers can win the Championship at that point in the Season? Isn't the Chase useless except for resetting points and nullifying the progress made over the last 26 races? It's absurd and I'm pretty sure most NASCAR diehards want it eliminated after 8 years of its institution.

Oh well, I'm a NASCAR fan but still, I have to shake my head at these guys anyway. Tomorrow, we go Boogity Boogity Chase Racing again and it'll be brushed aside. So anyway, that's it, and screw Alabama for yet another curb stomping of a SEC rival (Texas A&M). Life sucks and I'm still unemployed but the SEGA flame never dies.

A recent update from the guys over at The 90's Arcade Racer.

At this point some of you may feel like we’ve been working on ‘90s Arcade Racer since the ‘90s. That’s not entirely true, while Antonis and I were indeed playing Scud Race (Super GT in the US) and Daytona USA some 20 years--that was just preparation for the game we’re developing now.

Here’s what’s been happening the last couple of months with ‘90s Arcade Racer.

Physics, physics and more physics!

In the 100+ hours I’ve spent on racetracks combined with the thousands of hours logged playing racing video games, there’s something that feels quite counterintuitive to the genre. You would think super realistic racing games would have super accurate and lifelike physics -- but that doesn't necessarily always make a better product. To really give the sensation of speed, gravity, lateral gravity, as a designer you end up removing many functions that make a vehicle simulation “real”, in the theoretical sense. A driving simulator, more often than not feels like a floaty, unresponsive boat. Part of that is because you can’t feel yourself slinking around a bucket seat, you don’t have the sensation of a vehicle’s weight shift between the four corners; there’s an entirely missing dimension in racing games.

Antonis and I are going for a fun and arcade racing feel, we’ve said that from the start. Those two descriptors are equally important to the project. Getting to the balance of an arcade feel while offering a challenging experience and still giving the car some complex real-world behaviors is where our own challenge begins.

Once you start playing a racing game, especially an arcade-style one, terminology like camber, caster, differentials, toe, torque and drivetrain are quickly forgotten. Initially I spent a lot of time trying to get an arcade feel out of a real vehicle simulation. After extensive experimentation what Antonis and I found was that it just wasn’t working.

In this case it’s much easier to build something from zero and create an experience that perfectly recreates the perception and expectation we all have of a typical arcade racer. Version 2.0 of ‘90s Arcade Racer physics is built within the expressed intention of creating a real arcade racing game. What that means is that the game is really feeling like should. The car reacts in a way that is indicative of an arcade racer, it moves and accelerates properly and now we have a really fun grip and drift mechanic within the game. Although it’s been challenging having to build physics from nothing, this has allowed us to really build the vehicles exactly how we want and how they should feel.

I’m pretty confident that we’re very much in the right direction with the physics and you’ll probably agree once you have an opportunity to play it. Antonis, has been doing great work on creating the world of ‘90s Arcade Racer. But I’ll let him do that update.

Recently, I was concerned about the progress that was made towards the car handling in the game. I even sent them a note beforehand asking "are you going to post a new video of the car handling? what's it going to be like?" to which they replied "we're working on it." I get a good vibe from this recent post--that their heart's in the right place and they aren't going to half-ass the most important part of a racing game. Visuals are great and all but if I putter around in a car that feels like something spawned from a Unity tutorial, then the whole thing is for naught!

I bolded part of the post above because it's really damn important. I talked about it before--sense of speed in racing games. Sense of speed is almost incompatible with realism. As long as you're in your living room sitting on a couch, you're not going to get a sense of speed by looking at realistic car physics on screen--the "floaty, unresponsive boat" feeling--unless you're willing to break some rules and go unrealistic in some aspects (i.e. excessive vibration of the suspension at high speeds). I'm glad they recognize this golden rule!

You know, I've programmed vehicle handling over different mediums--Unity, Unreal, and stupid OpenGL car sprites. With Unity and Unreal, you make these "wheel colliders" that you attach to the vehicle and do all the nitty gritty physics work for you--you set the torque, braking, suspension, skidpad, etc. and let the "realistic" car handling take over. Yet I don't think it's possible to recreate a Daytona, Scud Race, or OutRun using built-in tire physics--the power comes from the entire car itself, not the four wheels. Since these are 15-20 year old games, I doubt they were so advanced as to use realistic tire physics anyway.

If you're confused, imagine the car is pushed forward by one big invisible wheel instead of four tiny visible wheels. By not using wheel physics, you're simplifying the vehicle handling but it allows you to precisely program the car handling the way you want, hence giving the car some predictable effects--like being able to slide at a fixed angle or accelerate/steer normally with your tires shredded up from a wreck. In other words, you look at the handling of a 2D game like Super Sprint that technically doesn't "recognize" wheel torque and whatnot--it's just a block sliding on the screen--nowhere in the code does it mention "suspension" or other real-life handling terms. The tire effects are dictated by the car, not the other way around, so when the tires kick up smoke and whatnot, the tires aren't really doing "anything," it's just for show.

I really want to see how they pull it off code-wise because I'm a nerd like that, heh. If Super Sprint has taught me anything, it's that car handling takes a LOT of iteration to get it right--you can't just skimp on it. Sadly, me passing on realistic car handling is why I'm often confused by real-life tuning like in GT and Forza. Oh well, it's a fair trade--would rather make fun racing games than realistic ones! :)

There's still more to do. They really need to implement manual transmission into the game (which I don't doubt they will), plus get some great audio too. I want to hear roaring engines and a kickass soundtrack. Good luck trying to do so without Takenobu Mitsuyoshi or Dennis St. James. If in doubt, then just emulate AC/DC since that's not bad at all. :)

Just an aside while we're on the topic of realistic vs. non-realstic games. I stumbled upon a very interesting Grand Theft Auto 5 GameFAQs topic and read a very intriguing post. Yes, something good that came out of GameFAQs, it's a miracle. But here's a post from NeonYoshi11:

Just played san andreas 3 months ago.

It looks like crap.

any game going for "realism" will eventually looks like crap.

This is why Art Style matters more than realism.

This is why Wind Waker still looks better than most games today, even the GC version.

IF you look closely, to disguise the old tech in the PS3/Xbox360 they use art that resembles realistm mixed with cel shading.

So it's got a bit of Street Fighter 4 in it, but in a realistic way, this allows them to improve "graphics" while not taking away performance of the game.

That's dead on. Realism is basically an always-moving bullseye. Even if you hit it, the bullseye keeps moving without you. It's why a lot of games which sell off realistic graphics (Forza, Madden, etc.) often go through numerous iterations and why games like Daytona USA and OutRun 2, while super-old, still stand out and look fun to play. Sadly, I wonder if the gaming gods get the memo since they're fine and dandy with destroying console backwards compatibility and DRMs that shred old games. Just make sure to give your game differentiators so that your game won't become GameStop used game filler ten years down the road. Antonis and The 90's Arcade Racer have a firm understanding of this! Okay, you get the idea, I'm done for now.

Alright man, this is a post about Grand Theft Auto 5. I'm pretty sure a few of you have played this obscure gem of a game. I mean it only made $800 million on first day sales (beating out Modern Warfare 3's meager $500 mil) and had more than a thousand people work on it. But I might as well talk about it, especially since driving is a crucial part of the game which means millions of people are gonna go cruising the streets of San Andreas. So let's get this rant out of the way now--what I liked and disliked about the game. Please note I haven't played GTA Online yet.

DRIVING

* It's fun, I really enjoyed it. They loosened up the handling from GTA4 so you have more control at high speeds. It reminds me of San Francisco Rush but with normal gravity and you're less likely to spin out. The cars is very springy and the camera shakes at high speeds which conveys a nice sense of speed.

* The car damage is well done too. Unlike previous GTAs, simply running into stuff at normal speeds won't cause the car to ignite into a fireball. Instead, the wheels will get jammed or pop which has a slight impact on handling, plus engine power can drop off rapidly which basically renders the vehicle useless on its own. The cars seem tougher this time around too. The visual damage is toned down a bit too so you car doesn't look like a total piece of crap after a wreck or two. The only thing that irks me is that the car lights go out from even the slightest wreck which means at night, you're driving around in the dark too often.

* Love the car selection in the game--you can see pictures of each here. Watching my brother play the first time, I watched him jack a Porsche and before the text popped up, I said "that's a Comet" and surely it was. Jacks a Viper, "that's a Banshee." Jacks a Lamborghini, "that's an Infernus." I like how they gave fake names to the car manufacturers--Vapid = Ford, Bravado = Dodge, Declasse = GM, Canis = Jeep, Benefactor = Mercedes, Obey = Audi, Ubermacht = BMW, Pegassi = Lamborghini. I kinda wish there were more definitive vintage muscle cars in the game (they're all kinda bland IMO) as well as a stock car (the Hotring Racer from previous GTAs) but you can always get a Buffalo (Dodge Charger) and put a stock car spoiler on it. Which leads to...

* Car tuning! You can take any standard car to Los Santos Customs and soup it up some. Change the paint job and rims, add a few body mods, even install some performance parts. The customization is really shallow though. Paint jobs are still limited to basic two-tone paint jobs (no generic flames/stripe mods) and with the exception of turbo, lower ride height, and bulletproof tires, there's not much improvement you can make to the cars. Handling and acceleration receive a boost but if you were expecting Forza or even NFS customization, you will be highly disappointed. Which leads to another...

* One thing that really irks me about a lot of racers is the lack of a speedometer. I mean why not? You're cruising along and you have the GPS, ammo count, and maybe the phone, so this whole "minimal HUD = good" crap is nonsense. So why not add a MPH/KPH counter somewhere? It'd make cruising down the highway that much more intimidating.

* And now to the subject of actual racing (or driving really fast). I harped on this before a while ago--how GTA city racing isn't all that great. The "racing" is kind of tedious for one reason--it's WAY too easy to hit something and come to a dead stop. In traditional arcade racing, if you smack into something, at least you'll still have some forward momentum. But here, obstacles littered near the street like trees, power poles, even seemingly innocent things like metal or wooden signs cause you to immediately die and come to a dead stop. Literally, I saw my brother drive a big Ford (errr, Vapid) truck through a volleyball net, the truck stopped, and the net was still intact. What's the deal? Also, are there any other street races in the game besides this one near Franklin's house?

* The camera angle while driving. I do like how the camera pitch is close to the ground--gives it a great sense of speed and all that. But sometimes I wish I was driving with a camera that was higher above the ground so you can see over the traffic and get a better sense of the traffic and racing line. The primary use for this would be when the car pitch changes (you go up/down a hill). Sure you can use the joystick to move the camera up but that can get tedious. I can't tell you how many times I would go over the hills near Michael's house only to hit a SUV that decided to stall in the middle of the road and once I saw it, it was too late.

* Added the ability to rotate the car while airborne. This can be insanely helpful and it's not overly sensitive like the wings from Rush 2049. But what annoys me the most is that it only affects the pitch and roll, not the pitch and yaw (pitch = up and downhill, yaw = steer left and right, roll = flip over sideways). It's a real mindf**k because I keep thinking I can change the yaw while airborne, plus I tend to prematurely hold the steering wheel in the direction I want to turn when I hit the ground to steer away from rolling over. But rolling in midair just makes things more perplexing for me.

* Why isn't there an instant replay feature in this game? When you perform a nice stunt or narrow escape--wouldn't it be nice to see it again? Can't tell you how many times me or my brother did something YouTube-worthy only to say "crap, we'll never ever see that happen again." Here's an example--thank God this guy was recording at the time!!

* Also seems really easy to die when riding a bike or four-wheeler. It's hella fun to go cruising off-road on one of these but if you hit a rock or tree and stumble a moderate distance, you can die pretty quickly. Boo!

* One last thing, it's about saving cars in the garage. Each character has a default vehicle that even if they lose, it still appears in their driveway (Franklin = Buffalo, Michael = Tailgater, Trevor = Bodhi). That's great and all, you can mod those vehicles and they keep 'em forever, but if I use another vehicle, sometimes it appears in your driveway or impound lot, sometimes it doesn't. As Michael, I stole a Tornado (Chevy Belair), modded it, took it to a mission, had to leave the car behind and hop in a stupid van or something. I return back to where I left the Tornado and it was gone. Thankfully, I return home and the Tornado is parked in my driveway! I then take the Tornado to another mission, leave it behind, and return home thinking the Tornado will still be there. WRONG! Instead, the Tornado is replaced by the daughter's Weeny Issi (Mini Cooper) convertible and the Tornado was never found again. I really wish you could designate one or two vehicles as "yours" to permanently respawn at your house but I'm not sure you can do that. Bummer...

* Radio stations! Guess this belongs in the driving section. Here's a list of all the songs in the game with YouTube links. I wasn't too crazy about these this time around. I'm still convinced Vice City followed by San Andreas had the best radio stations (70's/80's music FTW). For me, there were a few gems in GTA5 that I had to add to my music collection, primarily The Trammps's Rubber Band and Foreigner's Dirty White Boy. But a lot of it was "ehh, whatever." It's like a bag of trail mix--some good songs I really wanted to listen to, others I had to change the channel. The one classic rock station had some great stuff--Dirty White Boy, Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting, Photograph, Hollywood Nights, Radio Ga Ga, the rest was soft rock I couldn't bear. Needs more awesome driving music! Why no metal stations like V-Rock from Vice City? Probably my most listened-to stations in terms of "switch to it and not change it every minute" would be Radio Los Santos (rap) and Channel-X (punk), also Vinewood Boulevard Radio (dudebro rock) though that last one gets on my nerves quickly. FWIW, when I heard Adolescents' Amoeba on the punk station for the very first time, instant Tony Hawk 3 nostalgia came to mind and I pissed myself.

* Overall, GTA 5 is a fun driving game. But a fun racing game? No, not really. Aside from one NFS/Midnite Club-style event and missions that involve keeping up with a fleeing target, there's no real "racing" in this game whatsoever.

* CHECK OUT THIS GIF I SAW ON REDDIT:

EVERYTHING ELSE

* Really nice draw distance. Unlike previous games that would utilize fog to hide the pop-up, here you can see nearly forever. Stand on Mount Chiliad's summit and see what I mean. Great work for aging hardware in the twilight stage of its life.

* Shooting! Okay, the auto-aiming is really nice since you can pop targets one at a time--it's really cheap at times, I admit. But the problem happens when you fall out of auto-aim, you have to put the gun down, look at the guy, then put it up again just to lock on to the person. This is tedious as hell when trying to kill people at close-quarters since you have to pivot the camera directly at him--try rotating 90-degrees only to die. Manual aim is a bit difficult to get used to. Games like Call of Duty have looking down sights and aim assist to lower sensitivity when aiming at people, though GTA doesn't seem to have that so it's hard to get a precise shot on anything. Overall, if I wanted to shoot people, I'd rather play Call of Duty because in GTA, shooting people is either too easy or too hard.

* Characters! The three characters are pretty cool. Franklin has no backstory other than "he's a hustla trying to make it big" but I'm cool with that. He seems really "nice" for a GTA protagonist and has the hood lingo to boot and that's fine with me ("shit I always tryin to make some paper doo"). Michael is basically Tommy Vercetti as a family man, again kind of a cool guy with a nice pair of man boobs, plus he has a deep backstory that propels the game forward. As for Trevor...wow, he seems like the quintessential GTA protagonist. The dude is hilarious. He does say and do some things you'll find detestable but this is the kind of guy I can see winning a GameFAQs character contest round. So props to Trevor and his big balls.

* Cops are too aggressive with the stars. If you steal a car or blow something up, sometimes you'll get one star and get away easily because cops will take a while to get over to your location. Otherwise, they just have a vendetta against you, being the protagonist of one of the most vile, disgusting games in recent history. Shoot a pedestrian or gangster dead, get one star. Bump into a police car, get two stars. Gimme a break.

* Why is GTA 5's rendition of San Andreas on a big island out in the middle of the ocean? This was also in GTA way back to 3, possibly earlier than that. Saints Row could get away with their city being on a continent--here, being stranded on a large island just seems kinda pathetic, really.

* I beat the whole game and the missions were fair with a nice variety. I don't feel like replaying them, particularly because of the funny shooting segments, but if you're a sucker for movie-based games that hold your hand with liberal use of checkpoints, well here you go, enjoy it. MILD SPOILERS: The three multiple endings kinda sucked though, only one is the true rewarding ending with some badass missions to finish it off. The other two are tacked on and don't really tie up anything other than to satisfy some vendetta against one of the other playable characters. So you know which ending to pick, the one where everyone is happy and all the punk-ass bitches that harassed you the whole game die. :)

* I finally reached 70,000 Gamerscore cause of this game. And yet I don't plan on getting the Xbox One so I guess my score ends there. Playing through all these outdated sports games for the cheap achievements will definitely be worth it when I'm 90 years old.

* On the mission where Trevor works on the dock, you can crush this guy here with a crate and the mission still continues just fine. I've done it on every playthrough, it's great. I cried laughing over it, man I'm pathetic. :D

* This is the best cutscene glitch video I've seen and I happened to record it. I only regret that I recorded the very end of it (couldn't find my phone soon enough). If you get cops tailing you when you begin a cutscene, they will invade the scene and shoot you while it's playing.

Oh my gosh...I've said way too much about this game. There's a few more things but I want to call it quits now. Overall, great game despite my nitpicks but I didn't get the "wow, this game is awesome" vibe like I did playing Vice City or San Andreas (the PS2 one) for the first time. Must be due to my age--I'm too cynical to enjoy games fully anymore--old games are always better than new ones. Okay, good night everyone.

REVIEW SCORE: A crappy not-well-thought-out 8 out of 10

When I heard there was going to be a "Rush" movie in 2013, I nearly pissed myself. They're making a shitty movie adaptation for San Francisco Rush the game, a la Need for Speed?

Actually, no, this has nothing to do with video games, cause this is "based on a true story." A really good story about two rival Formula 1 drivers, James Hunt (England) and Niki Lauda (Austria). And thank you Ron Howard for being an actual petrolhead and not f***ing up this movie like Hollywood usually does (the movie cynic in me enjoys poking holes in things, like this). 88% on Rotten Tomatoes isn't bad!

As you can tell, this was in the 70's when safety was of little concern and musicians actually made decent music. No seriously, they actually play Gimme Some Lovin' in the first racing scene which proves Ron saw Days of Thunder, or something, so tack on an extra star to the final score! Rubbin' is racing!!! Boogity boogity!!!

Here you have the two protagonists, Lauda and Hunt, who are Formula 3 rivals that moved up to Formula 1, and they totally contrast in personality. James Hunt is a raw talent, a brash driver who loves to party. He defied F1 driver tradition that a driver must behave and be treated like royalty. Hunt loved the lady parts, as you can see right away within the first 30 seconds of the movie, Hunt is banging the nurse. So thank you James for turning this movie into a porno.

Mim-bo (noun) - a male bimbo.

On the other hand, Niki Lauda is the MAN. More reserved, cool, calm, and calculated, he could tune cars like no one's business. He has a cool-ass name and actually stayed faithful to his wife (at least for a little while). Niki is what's great about racing.

Pictured: my new man-crush.

So quick rundown of the movie. Hunt and Lauda are in Formula 3, Hunt wins the championship and later gets a Formula 1 ride with Hesketh, some crappy race team that thought driving a bleached white car with no sponsors is a good idea. On the other hand, Lauda "cheated," denounced his father's boring-ass businessman lifestyle, took out a big loan, and swooned the Ferrari people by building a superior car that outdid the previous ones by several seconds. Lauda would then later race a coupe through rural Italy to impress two fanboys and his future wife, proving that he's a baller. At this point, the HEAT WAS ON between the two gentlemen...

Both sweet whips with that vintage 70's camera tint. Notice the lack of #hashtags on their names (#twitterblows).

Both drivers took turns having strokes of life-changing bad luck. Hunt was first. Hesketh ran out of money and fired Hunt, leaving him to sit at home and watch his wife cheat on his scummy ass. Hunt would later bang the flight attendant in the restroom to showcase his libido. Lauda would go on to win his first championship, something that is skimmed over in the film. The 1976 season is when Hunt gets a ride at McLaren and the two begin their duel.

Season begins in Brazil with some damn hot Carnival babes and quick 10-15 previews of each race of the season. Lauda would take a commanding lead in the points as Hunt's car would frequently explode. Hunt goes into Hulk mode and strikes back, winning a few races of his own, making them 1st-2nd in the points.

Later it's the German GP at Nurburgring. Yes, THE Nurburgring Nordschleife with 154 turns. And to make things worse, it's raining. One racer was already hospitalized during practice. Lauda then holds a driver's meeting and tries to call the race off as too dangerous, Hunt basically calls him a pussy, and the drivers race anyway. Both Hunt and Lauda opt for wet tires at the start only for the track to dry up quickly and both to go to the pits for dry tires after the first lap.

And here's where Lauda's bad luck strikes. Obviously way behind from the leader, he pushes the car so hard the suspension breaks on one turn as he goes careening into the wall in a blazing inferno as some other guy wrecks into Lauda's flaming casket. Lauda suffers paralyzing burns and smoke inhalation while Hunt laughs his ass off as he wins races while Lauda is on the hospital bed.

This wreck seems oddly symbolic to my recent woes that I teared up in the theater. One morning in May 2013, while racing to work on the wet pavement, I push the car harder than I should in an attempt to make up ground. Eventually the wet pavement gets the best of me as I slide into a dumpster, smashing it up in the process. Three days later, I would be fired from my job and sit unemployed for five months as distraught me has to watch my friend and rivals move up the career ladder without me. My story isn't as bad as Lauda's but the similarities are there! Fuck wet blacktop parking lots, put up a friggin sign or something.

Eventually, Lauda would go through accelerated therapy, have the junk sucked out of his lungs and the bandaids peeled from his head. A month passed and Hunt nearly caught up to him in the points. Lauda gets back out there (a burnt up disfigured mess, no doubt) and after giving the best "fuck you" I've ever heard to an asshole reporter, puts up a solid 4th place at Monza with fans running at his car after the race while Hunt DNF's again. Which meant one thing...

NIKI LAUDA

BACK

Final race of the season! It's at Fuji Speedway--PREPARE TO QUALIFY!!! Oh, and it's raining. F1 cars can drive in the rain but in the storm that you see here? Well...yes they could back in the 70's, when they had big balls and the rides were high enough to make wet racing possible. After one lap of driving through dense fog, Lauda does the most admirable thing a driver can do--goes to the pits and retires from the race. It's too dangerous, he said, it's not worth risking your lives over a stupid trophy! Tell that to Hunt who needs to finish 3rd or better to beat Lauda for the grand prize. It was a nailbiter for Lauda as all he could do is watch and pray Hunt doesn't win...

Obligatory F1 car in the rain shot.

SHOCKER--Hunt finishes 3rd, wins the championship, and Lauda has no regrets. It wasn't racing, Lauda said, it was stupid of Hunt to risk his life like that. After a bunch of TV appearances and booze, drug, and women sessions later, Hunt meets Lauda again, Lauda having taken up the hobby of flying planes. They tip their hats to each other and the movie ends. Lauda would go on to win two more championships and live to see the premiere of this movie (which he admired, BTW) while Hunt would go on to be a race announcer and die of a heart attack in 1993. While Hunt turned out to be a washed-up loser who won his only championship cause his main competition was hospitalized by a near-death experience, Lauda later admitted Hunt was the only driver he was ever jealous of. Which means a lot from the man, myth, and legend that is NIKI LAUDA.

Great movie, would see again. Very accurate and gives you a sense of what vintage Formula 1 racing was really like Only disappointment is that there's too much talking in the first half of the movie (come on, I wanna see some racing), plus there's no final race between Lauda and Hunt to settle the score once and for all. But a final race would be unrealistic. Also at no point do they play a Rush song in the movie though that would be cheesy as hell. So I'll give you some Rush right here.

Oh well, I give this FIVE out of FOUR stars (remember the additional one cause of Gimme Some Lovin'). Just go watch the movie, seriously, right away, race in an F1 car to the theater or Redbox now.

1976, same year Fleetwood Mac would release The Chain, best F1 song ever, no question. I WANNA GO FAST!!!

I can't tell you how many times I typed "Nikia Lauda" while writing this post, lol.

Hello boys and girls! It's been a while but don't fear, I come bringing good tidings of old motorsports of 2013! I stockpiled clips of racing during the whole year to fill your warm fireplaces with joy in this abstinence of race cars this frigid winter. Ok, let's get it on, I got a lot of catching up to do.

First we will we start with IndyCar. No, not the Indy 500, but close to it. This is the Firestone Indy Lights race held on May 24th, two days before the Indy 500. It's like the Minor League of IndyCar. But this race had one of the best finishes in history. It must be watched. You will never see four cars outside of NASCAR finish this close to each other in a long time.

Once you're done pissing yourself, it's time to move on to May 26th! Alright, this is the 97th running of the Indianapolis 500, the greatest spectacle of motorsports. You win the Indy 500, you are a legend among drivers regardless of your other feats as your name goes on that hefty trophy for all time. Even if you aren't a full-time IndyCar driver, you can still participate for the glory of racing.

This year, the honor goes to a Mr. Tony Kanaan of Brazil. It was arguably one of the best runnings of the Indy 500 of all time because there were a grand total of 64 lead changes (among 14 different leaders), which eclipsed the previous record of 34 set last year. While it was exciting, the race ended under a yellow flag because Dario Franchitti wrecked with three laps to go. Since IndyCar doesn't do Green-White-Checkered finishes like NASCAR (which means you run the 200 laps and no more than that), the race unenthusiastically ends with the cars puttering across the finish line.

There are implications to this. Kanaan and his rivals, primarily Carlos Munoz and Ryan Hunter-Reay, were exchanging the lead every couple of laps so it was basically a crapshoot going into the final 5-10 laps. This is because in IndyCar (and not NASCAR), there are rules against blocking faster cars more than once. If a faster car is about to pass and you can't outrun him, you may only move to block him ONCE, afterwards you give him the right of way or else you're penalized. Since the cars are so close, they were able to draft and pass each other continuously. Therefore, had Franchitti not wrecked with three laps to go, Kanaan might've surrendered the lead to Munoz or Hunter-Reay and lost the race. But no, Franchitti sealed his fate and thus will be receiving a Christmas card by a certain someone this year, I bet.

Vin Diesel's Brazilian cousin.

Now, this finish-under-caution wouldn't be such a downer except for the fact it has happened in the three of the last four Indy 500's with the odd man out actually involving a crash as well but no caution (J.R. Hildebrand's chokejob). So basically it's "Wreckers or Checkers." Can't blame 'em cause winning the Indy 500 is the highlight of your career. But still, I kinda wish they had the GWC finishes like NASCAR does.

Later that day, there was the Coke 600 in Charlotte, the longest race of the NASCAR season. And the commentators were dumping all over IndyCar for not implementing the GWC finish. Okay, fine, they make a valid point. But then they take a text message poll, "Which race is harder to win, the Indy 500 or the Coke 600?" At that point, I think I shit myself. Now, I love my NASCAR and can understand the 600 miles are so taxing, but the Indy 500 is the BIGGEST RACE IN THE WORLD and I think tacking on an extra 100 miles (in slower cars too) isn't enough to make it harder than the Indy 500, I'm sorry guys.

As for Formula 1, Monaco was boring and I was too sleepy to pay attention (it aired at 3 am in Florida). All I remember is Pastor Maldonado being popped like a pimple. Monaco is apparently too tight to be competitive anymore.

Now, back to NASCAR. Because I love NASCAR even if it sucks. A week before the Coke 600, NASCAR holds a mid-season All-Star Race. It's worth zero season points but it has a million dollar prize for the winner. It's a short race (90 laps, 135 miles) with four forced cautions to split up the monotony (why???). It's balls-out racing and there's no teamwork here so cut your opponents off Mario-Kart style for the bookoo bucks!!

Listen to the cool-ass music. Anyway, this year there were 22 drivers with 21 of them being selected by certain merits--having the most points in the season, winning at least one race, or winning the pre-race event beforehand (the pub all-star event against crappy slow cars who don't stand a chance). Also, there's room for one additional driver who wins the "fan vote." Take a wild guess who got into the race this year? Huh? From Jasper, Illinois, it's Danica Patrick. She finished 20th. And Jimmie Johnson finished first. OF COURSE, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT???

Now, to dump on NASCAR some more, let's take a look at Tony Kanaan and Jimmie Johnson who won both their respective races. Jimmie Johnson won $1,000,000. Want to take a guess what Tony Kanaan won? $2,353,355, a 2014 Corvette Pace Car, and 2014 regular Corvette, and the most fabled race trophy in auto racing.

Go home NASCAR, you're drunk.

Oh boy...there's so many more videos left to show you so I'm going to call it a day for now and post the rest later! I promise. Cya tomorrow!

Hello boys and girls! You know what time of the year it is...it's CHRISTMAS time which means more ass-kicking race car clips for you!! Let's begin.

The All-Star Race is a side attraction to the circus show to the NASCAR, but at least they got one good thing going for it. Qualifying for the All-Star Race is different than regular season races and is a little game of its own. Each driver runs three laps and has to make one pit stop. There's no speed limit on pit road so they ZOOM right on through! See the Beginner course trick from Daytona USA. Bitch please, I drive through pits to shave 1.5 seconds off my laps. Though in NASCAR, you have to stop in your pit lane, so yeah, there's that too.

Messing up your pit docks you time penalties so don't screw up. Top three qualifiers get $50K, $10K, and $5K respectively to share between themselves and their pit crews.

In previous years preceding the All-Star Race was the Pit Crew Challenge. Basically, pit crews raced against the clock to complete their respective tasks and push their car across the finish line first. It's a clever little ruse and pit lane choices for the All-Star Race are determined by the results of the Pit Crew Challenge. But they didn't hold the event in 2013 for some reason so...yeah, disappointing.

These pit crew guys are athletes too, you're a fool to think otherwise.

Anyway, speaking of pit stops...here's Indy Car again. This was at Sonoma, the 15th race of the season (out of 18). In the thick of the championship hunt, Scott Dixon (red car) and Will Power (black car) pitted late in the race. One of Power's crew members was walking with a tire and Dixon clipped him as he drove out. Fortunately he wasn't hurt but Indycar penalized Dixon a pit drive-thru.

Dixon dropped from first to 15th and Power laughed his ass of as he won the race. There was debate that the pit member deliberately stuck the tire out in order to hinder his rival. It could've been an accident because the Indycar pit lanes differ from the lines on the pavement. Regardless, hitting other pit crews is a black & white issue so there was no room for Dixon to debate. There was some controversy but regardless, Dixon won the Championship and Power came in 4th overall. Serves them right.

Back to NASCAR funny antics! Here's Max Papis and he likes slapping people. After the Nationwide race at Road America, he pays a little favor to his rival Billy Johnson, while walking away with that shit-eating grin.

And Max Slapis would later get his at a Craftsman Truck Race at Circuit Gilles Villeneue in Montreal. After getting involved in a late-race wreck, a crazy lady (girlfriend of the driver of the #6 car, Mike Skeen) bitch-slapped him in the face on camera (it's at the end of the video).

Max claimed his jaw was dislocated and his ears rung after that hit. If so, well, I smell a lawsuit! No idea what came of it...

More fighting in NASCAR?? NO WAY!! Rednecks gonna redneck. BUT FIRST...Le Mans 24 (or "Luh Mah"). Drunken louts mumble and moon the camera. THIS IS FRANCE, THE CULTURAL CENTER OF THE WORLD, WE DON'T DO SHITE LIKE THIS, RIGHT????

Back to NASCAR, basically Joey Logano is the Grim Reaper. Well, what do I mean. Joey gets in a fight with Denny Hamlin after a race at Bristol. Denny would later get injured at Fontana and sit out for six weeks.

Who's next? Tony Stewart goes redneck on Joey. Whoops, Tony gets hurt in a dirt race in Iowa.

And Ryan Newman ALMOST came to blows with Joey but held back. Good for Ryan! Cause nobody f**ks with Joey.

Ya wanna see more fighting? Let's get back to Danica Patrick. Kyle Petty, "Danica Patrick is not a racecar driver!" Instant classic, although I wouldn't say Kyle is that much better than Danica. Only eight Cup Series wins in 30 years of NASCAR. Ooooo, burned, Kyle!!! Give Danica a couple more years and a non-shitty race team and she'll whoop your old man ass. Okay, maybe not, but he makes a good point. Danica has been in more than her fair share of commercials (plus one Sega racer) and doesn't have much to back it up besides a pair of tits.

But Danica is still not immune! Here comes Jay Mohr at the NASCAR awards banquet--wait, that ass clown that read jokes off the sheet of paper at Blizzcon?? Yes indeed. Danica and her new BF Ricky Stenhouse Jr. are not amused. Seriously, can someone who is NOT an idiot criticize Danica for once?

Oh hey, one more clip. This is between truck drivers Kevin Harvick (#14) and the "spoiled rich kid" Ty Dillon (#3). Dillon clips Harvick and they both take a dive. Harvick pulls up to Dillon's pit stop and gets a sledgehammer tossed at his car. Last time I checked, getting hit by a tossed sledgehammer can be rather painful. Whose the wise-ass who threw it? It's at the end of the clip BTW.

And some more funny/cool shite:

*Brad Keselowski goes for a leisurely jog.
*Tony Stewart REDNECKS at the new cool Kyle Busch.
*Carl Edwards gets paper on his grille and gets in a fight with Greg Biffle when needing to use Greg's bumper as a toothbrush (the story sucks, I apologize).
*Brutal last-lap wreck at Talladega truck race.
*Greg Biffle's pink bumper peels off during the caution and channels his inner Mister Mayhem.

*I become a Kurt Busch fan because he drives the Wonder Bread and City Chevrolet cars in Sprint Cup and Nationwide respectively. Mad props to him. Kurt ballin on your chin.

*Donovan McNabb says NASCAR drivers are not athletes. You know what, Donny boy? You're a washed up QB like Jake Delhomme and Rex Grossman who bummed your to Superbowl losses against superior teams with superior QB's. Definition of sport: "An activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment." Driving fast cars for 3+ hours requires a lot of stamina (and is very frustrating). Otherwise, everybody would be doing it. Besides, ESPN airs Poker and Spelling Bee championships and can those be called sports?? GET OUTTA HERE...

*Jimmie Johnson wins his sixth title. Real shocker there. Matt Kenseth almost had him but had to choke down the final stretch. The fans on social media were raged at Jimmie's win because he's a "cheater" and he doesn't deserve it. Unlike other NASCAR legends like Dale Earnhardt and Richard Petty, Jimmie didn't build his own team from scratch--he basically inherited Hendrick's birthright. But regardless, kudos to him since to win that many titles when everyone hates your guts is definitely admirable.

*Also, F1. You thought Jimmie was ruining his sport. Well, how about Sebastian Vettel, German driver of the Red Bull team? He won the last 9 races of the 2013 F1 season. Yes, NINE WINS IN A ROW. He also won the last four championships in a row. Now F1 is talking of adding more double points races in order to level the playing field to give trailing drivers a chance to catch up to runaways like Sebastian. Just like NASCAR instituting the Chase in response to Jimmie's domination (read my thoughts on the Chase here). Parity, what's that? Lol...

I pick my nose after every race.

*RIP Jason Leffler. RIP Allan Simonsen. RIP Paul Walker. Fast cars are still not safe. It makes me sad but they are to be admired for being true gearheads. I already said my piece on deceased drivers after the Dan Wheldon crash. Injuries and death keep happening but some would rather risk it than live a boring safe life so kudos man...kudos... ;_;

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! :D :D :D

Classy.

PART ONE RIGHT HERE.

Happy New Year. As you may have guessed, video games in 2014 are off to a great start. Here's what I have to say about all the new titles.

It's time for the anti-video game circlejerk! Now I'm pretty sure everyone's seen this PS4 commercial before but here it is anyway:

This commercial is beyond cheesy and pisses me off. Two dudebros playing their mainstream games together. But after a while, I noticed there is more to this commercial than meets the eye. Two things:

1. These are the same kind of games we've seen a thousand times. Hack-and-slash medieval game. Racing sim. Gritty futuristic FPS. Originality at its finest.
2. They all involve killing people and/or destroying things. Think about that for a sec. Two games involve outright killing people. The third isn't really about violence but you're encouraged to smash things to bits. Hence for no reason at all, one dudebro rams the other into the wall, sending him into a slow-mo Burnout/Split-Second wreck. Games thrive off of destruction/death way too much these days.

Neither of these consoles impress me. Sure, the Xbone was one massive skidmark that MS went back and corrected but I still have disdain for because MS tried to take us for fools and I don't forget that easily. There's also the PS4, but I'm only marginally interested it compared to the Xbone. Sony is still trying to smuggle DRM policies into their console like Microsoft did, just a lot more covert. Both of these consoles are vanity goods that you really don't need. Need top-end graphics? Get a gaming PC. Need a wealth of new titles? Errrm, we already had seven years of Xbox 360/PS3 games. If you've played all of those, then you need to go outside. Need a console that changes the channel when you tell it to? Well, that's not a need, that's just stupid. Come back in 2030 when everything is made out of chrome and holograms. You know what I'm getting at here cause I already talked about it before. I think a year or two down the road, when they fix all the bricked consoles, the price goes down, and the library grows (including a new Sega racer, fat chance...) I might invest in one but until then, screw you both.

Anyhoo, you may be surprised to find out that my family is in possession of TWO Xbox Ones. Yes, one Xbone, two Xbones. They were Christmas presents for two of my brothers. It's a load of crap, I know. We own one game at the moment--Dead Rising 3. I watched my brother play it for about an hour. All I have to say is I just don't really care. The game takes place in a fictional Los Angeles, a zombie outbreak happens, and you play as some mechanic dude who turns into a macho badass. I didn't need a plot or anything, just as long as I get to kill zombies and rescue survivors. Off the bat, I recognize the improvement in graphics. Great, but it wasn't as shocking of a transition as, say, Super Nintendo to Nintendo 64. It's just the same games as before but with a slight layer of polish.

The map is bigger this time around with huge streets for driving cars. But the problem is the environment looks so piss bland I find nothing recognizable about it whatsoever. Sure, they put a huge emphasis on cars now but it's hard to drive anywhere without plowing over zombies and getting stuck on debris. If I wanted to free drive around, I'd probably play Grand Theft Auto. If I wanted to kill zombies in cool locations, I'd probably play Dead Rising 1 or 2. Just my two cents, you enjoy the game, great for you. If you were a Dead Rising/zombie aficionado then yeah, you'll like this just cause it gives you more stuff to kill. Otherwise, it's really a placebo game designed to sell the Xbone, as you can tell cause the game is exlusive to that console. It's crap cause Dead Rising 2 was available for PS3 but whatever man...Capcom and Microsoft can fudge up the game however they like so I'm not losing sleep over it.

My brother was playing Spiderman 2 on the Gamecube, got DR3 on Christmas, beat the game in a week, and went back to Spiderman 2. Don't think he's touched his Xbone yet since. True story bro.

Another thing I should mention, going back to the paragraph before the previous one, is that these games don't really do anything "new" for me. Sure, the graphics are better, there's more zombies, and they ditched the load times (sorta, you still get them when fighting psychopaths), but other than that, the gameplay STILL feels the same as games from 5-10 years ago. Your special weapon attacks still kill zombies in that canned animation sequence. Quick-time events. Predictable trigger-based Psychopaths run back and forth trading blows with you until you smack them enough times and they die. Friendly AI is not very smart. The thing that surprised me the most was seeing your character climb out the windshield of the wrecked car. With new consoles bragging about "new ways to play the game," it certainly doesn't feel like it. But as long as they keep the games running at constant 60 FPS, then I'll give them a modicum of credit for tha.t

As for other launch titles, all fifteen of them, you got Zoo Tycoon. Yes, Zoo Tycoon is a launch title. Killer Instinct is lacking in the content department. Ryse looks pretty but it's a redundant hack & slash that'll go the way of King Kong and Eragon--such pretty launch titles but with bland gameplay. Call of Duty, Madden, FIFA are what you expect--same game but prettier. NBA Live 14, which was EA's response to the shit-canned NBA Elite, is a total embarassment. Forza is a mess because the game is loaded with microtransactions like a Facebook game. And Need for Speed's frivolous online gameplay has up to six players (that's right...SIX PLAYERS MAX, an abysmal number for an online racing game) zipping across the map far away from each other as everyone does their own thing to progress their respective campaign/story modes. In other words, crap, crap, mega crap.

Give the consoles a few years to gel and the games should get better. After all, the first Xbox 360 games looked like Xbox titles. That's all well and good BUT...how much bigger can these games get before they collapse under the weight of their own production costs? Models and worlds get more detailed, stories expand, gameplay branches rapidly, advertising money and review payola, etc. Sure, we have tools to accelerate these things but the point is we're spending more and more money to make these games. Remember that GTA5 required over a thousand people to make it. Tools can't speed up the creative process much--you still need producers to sit down and think these things up. We're outsourcing our art overseas now which I guess helps with the overhead but sucks for my art friends out there. So expect less risk taking more and more DLC/microtransactions to milk the consumer's wallet for what it's worth. The corporations need their money!

As for PS4 games, there's Gran Turismo 6. Which is basically GT so nothing surprising like that. Except for one feature--you can drive on the moon. At 19 miles per hour. I honestly don't know whether to think this is the most awesome or most useless thing in racing game history.

Compare to this gem of a racing game:

I think gaming isn't going to crash because it's so insanely popular, like today's terrible pop music. But I've never been this jaded before about gaming in my life that I think SOMETHING has to blow up before I can get excited about these games again. I'm done here, enjoy the hot air I'm emitted into the atmosphere.

P.S. There's no Ridge Racer launch title. Whoops, someone tell Namco they planned their release one year late. AWWWWWW.....

Alright, it's been a while since I talked about Sega racers so let's do this.

So we all know that Ryo Hazuki is in Sega All-Stars Racing: Transformed. Sumo inserted pics of Ryo in the Yogscast DLC trailers like a parent that says, "Don't open your eyes, I got a present for you!" and you open your eyes anyway. Here, he's driving OutRun, Hang-On, and Space Harrier cabinets which is really damn clever and also a great ode to the classics. It's a million times better then that Yogscast Charity DLC dreck. Who knows about Yogscast? I don't but then again, I'm not from the UK.

Your stats suck.

Yep, this is the guy who got his own character in Sonic All-Stars Racing. Good work, Sega.

So what's my initial response to seeing the Ryo character? This:

Now, it's not that I dislike Ryo but come on guys, Sega All-Stars Racing: Transformed is OVER A YEAR OLD. It's a great game, yeah, but the hype for this game has gone down drastically. I let my Xbox Gold expire last month (and had to enter a chat room with a MS representative to disable it because MS is too lazy to put the button on their site, thankfully the rep was very polite to me) so I won't be playing online for a while now (assuming I do play again). Had Ryo been introduced back in the game's heyday (while the fans were doing those stupid online petitions) then yeah, we'd be partying til the break of dawn. But now it's sorta like, "Okay...thanks Sumo! Glad someone there actually cares about the hardcorez fans and shiz."

Then things went from "meh" to "Oh Please God No" in a heartbeat:

In this situation, Ryo is vindictive of why we can't have nice things. Simply cause Ryo is an iPhone-exclusive character. You cannot play him on Xbox 360 and PS3. You CAN play him on PC but not for a while now. All I know is that Sumo/Sega saved Ryo for a year later just so they can convince us to buy the iPhone version. In the ideal world, Sumo would put all the characters into one superior version (PC version) but now they're playing patty-cake with gamers to make another buck off the same damn game.

Sooooo...why complain? The iPhone version can't be that bad! Well, it's a mixed bag for a multitude of reasons. They can be narrowed down to two:

1. Game's stripped of a load of content. There's only 13 characters in this version and they are Sonic, Tails, Amy, Gum, Ulala, Amigo, BD Joe, Joe Musashi, Eggman, AGES (Thank You Lord Jesus!!), Ryo, Ralph, Metal Sonic, Knuckles, and Shadow. That's right, they nixed Beat but kept Gum in. Plus they didn't cut any of the Sonic characters at all, proving that Sumo is catering to the major Sonic fanbase out there and screwing the rest of us fans. Gee whiz, I know this is an 1.0 GB iPhone game but it's really a downer.

As for tracks, well I don't have a clue. There's no outright "pick a track and race," the game's sort of an amalgamation of Grand Prix and World Tour modes--not much flexibility in terms of single-player. I'm guessing Ocean Hill (a track I'm really getting sick of), Skies of Arcadia, and Afterburner will get a shiatload of facetime so get ready for those.

2. Microtransactions. Let me explain how this works. You pay $5 for the game. No big deal, sounds good. But all of the characters (sans your one choice of Tails, Amy, Gum, Ulala, Amigo, BD Joe, or regular Joe) are locked from the start. That's right, Sonic is locked from the very beginning of the game. You unlock rings through races which allow you to unlock most things, just like any good iPhone game. But with any race mode outside the Easy difficulty level (there's 4 levels), you have to pay rings to enter and restart the level. That's also right, you can't just pick a Medium/Hard/Super Hard race and replay it over and over until you win. If you run out of rings, you have to restock by doing the Easy races all over again.

So what does Sumo do? Include a $10 DLC that removes this restart cost, allowing you replay the races without any entry fee. It's pretty damn dirty to include extra costs on top of a game that's already not free to play. I mean if you go into the game thinking $15 is a decent price for the game, sure that's not too bad. But they just had to sneak that extra $10 in there.

The recoil from this decision was so immense that Steve Lycett AKA DarthS0L had to play Sumo PR Agent and take to the message boards explaining his decision. Yeah, he's been scooting around the official Sega forums, Sonic Stadium, and NeoGAF which is kind of ridiculous cause if you need someone to actually explain a controversial decision to your face, odds are you f**ked up somehow. He says it's entirely possible to unlock everything in the game without paying any more than the initial $5. Which is reasonable because I've played a couple of the Nimblebit iPhone games and haven't spent a dime on 'em--Tiny Tower, Tiny Death Star, Pocket Planes, Pocket Trains. Grinding works on these games.

But as we all know, these microtransactions are a HUGE shortcut. For instance, I could unlock AGES by playing the game for 10-15 hours and saving up my in-game currency. OR I can just pay $5 and unlock him right now. $5 to skip 10-15 hours of grinding. I honestly don't know how long it takes to unlock AGES but the point is by making Ryo an iPhone exclusive, it boosts the number of sales this game gets and Sumo can make an average of $15 for each person that invests in this game. That can be huge considering how this game is a straight port with little gameplay changes.

Aside from these two things, the game looks okay. You level up your characters' stats rather than unlock these stupid Speed/Accel/Boost/Console mods like in previous versions which is a nice touch. It runs at a constant 30 FPS and the iPhone controls, while they look manageable, still look difficult and imprecise like playing Mario Kart Wii with the Wiimote. Online play only includes 4 players max. I just can't imagine playing any action-heavy game on an iPhone--I'd rather save that for consoles/PC, and even throwing Ryo into the mix doesn't change my mind much.

Also to unlock Ryo, you have to beat a bunch of Weekly Challenges. He's this game's AGES--just a pain in the ass to unlock. And I also know that Ryo has the words "Shen 3" written on his license plate. Everyone knows that. But think of the possibilities--perhaps Sumo/Sega introduced Ryo as a character to gauge the interest in a Shenmue HD port. The likelihood of getting a Shenmue 3 from the iOS Sega All-Stars Racing: Transformed is nil and odds are the Internet-savvy DarthS0L threw that on the license plate just to tease the Shenmue petitioners out there. But Sega is just weird like that so I don't discount the possibility of a Shenmue 3 someday. After all, if Yu Suzuki wanted to conclude the storyline, he could release a manga, satiate the fans, and call it a day. But he hasn't spoiled it yet which leads me to believe he's still trying to persuade Sega to make that Shenmue 3 game. I just hope he doesn't take it to the grave with him.

I don't plan on buying Sega All-Stars Racing: Transformed on the iPhone. Does that make me a bad Sega fan? Well, that's your opinion. I just don't think it's worth the money. I'll play the crap out of the the console & PC versions but the iPhone version needs to be better for me to consider it. BTW, putting characters aside, it sure would be hella nice to get some track DLC too. But no, we're stuck playing Ocean Hill, After Burner, and Hagia Sophia--I mean Panzer Dragoon for eternity.

One more interesting thing. I do check the Sumo website occasionally for job openings. Nothing that I can get, sadly. But here's something interesting--"Vehicle Handling and Performance Specialist." Yep, they're looking for people who know how to make race cars in video games!

We require a gas-guzzling, do-nutting Petrol-head for an exciting design opportunity!

Are you a car freak? Do you have at least three years of design experience on high profile console driving games?

Sumo is looking for someone with great experience and a passion for tweaking the physics and performance characteristics of a wide range of vehicles in a successful driving franchise to join our team of Stig Fantasists in Sheffield. A background of successful game design experience is important, as is an understanding of (and passion for) car handling, set-up and the console racing genre.

If you’re auto-obsessed and want to contribute to one of the most successful driving franchises of all time, get in touch ASAP – we want to talk to you.

Do I have a chance? An infinitesimal one. Here's why. One, I'm a programmer and not a producer. Two, I don't have three years of experience in ANY professional studio, much less racing game studios. Sure, the yearly requirements can be stretched a little (i.e. you have two years instead of three and they accept you anyway) but three years is out of my reach. Three, what am I going to cite--this blog??? Hell, if Sumo read this blog, they might recoil in disgust and not hire me. Yeah, I'm a big fan of theirs but I'm too much of a hipster and am critical of everything and that might not bode well with 90% of the game industry.

It sucks but look at it this way--Sumo is still making racing games. That's awesome and that includes the potential for a new Daytona game. I just hope I can get on-board soon enough...

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Sega Dreams Took A Turn For The Worse...

Was Having A "Good" Day

A Nightmarish Week Of Losing My Car And Job

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Rush: An Adrenaline Shot In Movie Form

2013 Motorsports Recap! Part One

2013 Motorsports Recap! Part 2, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Not Buying The Hype On Next-Gen Gaming

Ryo Hazuki In Sega All-Stars Racing: Transformed: It's Not Pretty...